Monday, July 6, 2009

I LOVE IT, but is that all that matters?

Thanks to the lovely Stef Williams who took the time to comment on my last post (on my other blog @ and gave me and anyone else reading some great advice about positive self talk, getting the job done and enjoying the journey that is prep.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what the real issue is, what is it that is stressing me out etc and I’ve come to the conclusion that I love what I’m doing! I have successfully ‘trained the mind’ to the point where I associate pain with missing meals, training etc things that are damaging to the overall goal of competing rather than see myself as deprived in anyway. At 12 weeks out, I’m not getting overly tired, my meal plan is still great and I’m counting my blessings! J

The stress is more the…. ‘internal conflict’ I’m feeling because to be honest, I have never really been passionate about a goal before and so I guess, being so focussed and ‘stubborn’ to see it through is new to people! Its definitely my nature to worry too much about what others think, to avoid conflict like the plague and to be all around very agreeable. But I’ve found that you can’t please everyone else at the best of times let alone during prep.

The last twelve months, I have lost a lot of weight, finally doing it the right way and conquered a lot of ‘food issues’ and ….. the experience has changed me! I’m working very hard at something that most people don’t really .. understand and even though I’m not placing any demands whatsoever on anyone else, whether I like it or not it does seem to affect the people around me. Family is a bit of a sensitive subject for me (see part two) and I’ve realised that I’m really struggling with not having the support network of a family that some other competitors seem to have, especially as a young novice.

I know that everyone has their own thing going on, but without feeling supported so far I just feel guilty about everything! Guilty about not seeing my friends and family as much and about seemingly putting this goal of mine before the needs or feelings of anyone else. I understand how it all can seem selfish and obsessive to an outsider.. but the truth is it has to be! HOW do you turn it around and convince others that even though its so hard, its so rewarding at the same time and so worthwhile? In my case, I don’t think it will sink in until I make it there.

Next post, part two of the story… (duh! Hahaha) Issues always run much deeper than they appear to!


TiarnaH said...

Hi Steph :)

I am glad youre feeling a little better today, you are right with everything you have said. I knoe exactly how you feel. I feel it too especially with my two young ones.

But in the end, people who love you want to see you happy and they will support you. My hubby has not always been very supportive but he know just how much this means to me, so now it just as important to him, Hang in there, you are sooo close now.


Jenn said...

Hi Steph

I was training for the same comp as you and Jon was my coach too. However a few things happened and I lost focus and now I'm kicking myself hugely. I try not to think about it cos I know it'll just get me down. I've put weight back on and now I'm just trying to get back on the wagon. What I'm saying is...if ever you feel like giving up, just think of the regret you'll feel if you don't do this now. You're already a much strong person than me and I commend you on your efforts thus far. Your quads are looking awesome! All the best for the rest of your journey...I'm just so damn jealous.


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