Tuesday, December 1, 2009

How popular are you?

Time for a non figure/food related post! I've been thinking a lot lately about the 'sort of person' i aspire to be. During comp prep it was necessary to focus on myself and my own needs. In fact, this was a beneficial lesson for me in asserting myself. However, I found I lost touch with what was going on in other people’s lives and I still feel like I have a lot of catching up to do so I've been doing a lot more listening and asking questions than talking these days. It feels good. What is also beneficial is giving my mind a break from all things fitness and finding out more about what other people are interested in.

Think about a really ‘popular’ person you know. I mean popular in the genuine sense, not the high school bitch routine. Someone who everyone likes to be around.

How do you feel when you talk to them? Listened to? Good about yourself?

Here are some traits or skills that I think popular people have in common:
Communication
Active listening skills. Genuine interest in people and what they have to say. They also seem to remember things people tell them.
Confidence
They don’t seem to worry about what other people think of them… they don’t really have to! There is less fear of offending anyone, overreacting to things... less drama!
Empathy
They react when you tell them things rather than just wait until they can talk again. You feel comfortable sharing information because they're non judgmental and don't tend to gossip.

I guess true popularity has nothing whatsoever to do with how people look, their job, how much they earn, how nice their house is etc.

Unfortunately I think these people are few and far between these days. How good are you at giving someone your full attention (not interrupting etc) especially if they are talking about something you have absolutely zero interest in?

My friend at work is a volunteer for the Lifeline call centre and told me that many people call who are simply lonely and need someone to listen. Notice I said ‘listen’ not ‘talk to’. Part of the training to do this role is that the volunteer is not allowed to give any advice. Think about how difficult that would be at first! It is with the best intentions usually that we jump in with our advice and opinions on other people’s situations when all they really need is an ear.

I'm not saying that I am going to try to be all things to all people or please everyone all of the time because that's simply not possible or healthy! I just think if you’d like to be more popular, it helps to start paying attention to other people and stop trying to impress them. I’ve realized that the only person I need to impress is myself.

2 comments:

Lia Halsall said...

Being a "good listener" isn't easy and is something I'm still striving to be better at. Great post and an interesting perspective we all can take something away from Steph. Thanks for sharing. :o) xxx

Style Seduction said...

My boyfriend is that like, everyone knows and loves him, he is very friendly and likes to get along with everyone, would do anything for anyone and listens and remembers as well.

He doesnt however have the greatest self image... but no one knows that but me. Everyone would say he is super confident and happy. So its amazing how people come across, and how they really are!


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