Finding Balance

New blog

2011-01-03T14:33:00.001+10:00

I'm still alive... and getting married in August 2011! What better motivation (other than a comp!) to put down the cookies and get into great shape :)

Find me at http://stephmdavis.blogspot.com

Hot and cold

2010-06-04T15:53:00.000+10:00

As usual I'm talking about food :) Chefs go on about the texture of food being really important well, I’ve decided that next to taste, temperature is very important to me!

I like my food and tea/coffee piping hot. Its become a real problem, I’ll serve up my meat and veggies on my plate straight from the pan but then give it a minute in the microwave before I eat it. I eat fairly slowly too and have been known to get up halfway through and nuke it again….

I really like hot and cold combinations. For example when I eat salad, I like to not only heat up my chicken before I put it on top but I also have some hot beans and red onion (stirfried in garlic and soy sauce) in the mix. Beautiful with avocado as well!

It works the other way too. When I have a hot bowl of meat and veggies and/or potato, I like to mix through some iceburg lettuce. When you mix it through the hot food it wilts but stays crunchy, its amazing! Apparently stir frying lettuce is a very popular in Asian dishes.

I would have to say my all time favourite desserts would involve the hot and cold combination as well – think apple crumble with custard or sticky date pudding with icecream….

Live in the present moment

2010-06-02T14:47:00.002+10:00

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha.

Welcome winter

2010-06-01T15:50:00.000+10:00

Do you think winter and the colder weather has any impact on your nutrition and training? At the moment I’m loving the cooler mornings and not raising a sweat on the treadmill BUT it is harder to get up when it is still dark! I have to stay motivated enough to keep doing cardio at this time because I’ve never gone back to doing any at the gym – gym time is for weights! I’ve heard a lot of people say they tend to eat more in winter but I don’t really notice a difference, I’m not any hungrier than usual or crave anything different…. Maybe because I work in climate controlled office so am mostly oblivious to the elements outside….

So after a very good week foodwise last week, I had my planned cheat/treat at Sizzler for breakfast on Sunday. I totally did eat more than an acceptable amount but didn’t suffer the associated guilt afterward, so that’s great! No “stuff it, I might as well keep going” or binging behaviour. I also noticed how tired I was on Monday as a result, so had no trouble getting back to the clean eats - I call that a “food hangover”.

I think having finally made steps regarding my hormonal issues has helped my stress levels immensely – I couldn’t get my next specialist appointment until mid july but I still feel relieved rather than pointlessly worrying about it until then. There’s a saying about going toward whatever frightens you - I think it’s a Buddhist principle?

I am bummered to have missed the ANB Asia Pacific Show, sounds like it was a HUGE night! Congratulations to all the lovely blogland competitors, I am still catching up on all the news and checking out all the photos.

I'm not stressing

2010-05-28T16:01:00.000+10:00

Well I did get some answers healthwise today and although they were not the answers I desired at least I’m on the path to sorting out my hormonal imbalances and preventing further problems. You just can’t ignore health issues as they can tend to grow while you have your head in the sand. Unfortunately for me, I am and always have been most reluctant (scared shitless) to see doctors so just endeavoring to get to the bottom of things has been a huge challenge. The last thing I wanted was more referrals!

So I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself right now. Its funny how trivial things will make me want to give up, cry and dive headfirst into a bag of sugar but I can actually be quite strong in the midst of real problems. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t think stress is so much linked to my food issues as self esteem. Ie. when I feel good about myself, I WANT to eat well which is sooo much easier than eating well because you SHOULD. I’m looking for opportunities rather than excuses and am keen not to waste any more time. I just have to make sure that my all or nothing thinking doesn’t kick in and that its more a case of balance. I have eaten well all week and have just been invited to go to Sizzler for breakfast this weekend (remember how I love Sizzler and I love breakfast? Double threat hehe!) so I’ll be looking at this as my ‘cheat meal’ however, that does not give me permission to eat myself silly. Relax, enjoy, no guilt. Have a great weekend.

Some like it hot

2010-05-27T15:57:00.000+10:00

I’m still a lazy blogger - tsk tsk!
I’ve been nice and motivated since last weekend’s INBA show in Brisbane. Ali and I went to cheer on Lisa whom he has coached over the last 20 weeks for the sportsmodel comp. She looked fantastic and placed third out of an impressive lineup of eleven - I couldn’t have been prouder of both of them for their dedication! While there I also had the pleasure of catching up with Chelle, Hanni, Selina, Shannon and Leisel. I wish I could have stayed longer, we could probably all chat for hours!

I’m slowly getting my confidence back in relation to trusting myself to consistently make the right choices and feeling good about food again. I’ve learnt that you have to respect food in the way that you respect yourself and your body and I’m learning to love it again.

We have foxtel and I’m a bit obsessed with the food channel – I could seriously watch cooking shows for hours. A co-worker gave me some fresh chillies from her garden today so I think dinner tonight will be HOT! I’ve been feeling a lot less tired lately as well which is a direct result of plenty of fresh REAL food. I don’t think you have to do much to clean foods to make them taste great but I do think you have to get creative in order to eat them every single day and not get cravings. It could be as simple as grating fresh ginger onto your fish before cooking it… yum!

As much as I love food and cooking I could never be a chef – do you watch Masterchef? Last night the 15 contestants helped one of the judges George relaunch his restaurant in Sydney. The stress and pressure in a commercial kitchen seems incredible but working under these conditions and succeeding left them all (even the losing team) with such pride and sense of achievement. I know you have to get uncomfortable and push yourself in order to grow but I can’t imagine surviving that stress every day – you’d have to be a bit of an adrenaline junky!

In other news, I’ve finally been a little more proactive in chasing down a diagnosis for my ongoing amenorrhea (seeing as how it has been MIA since June 2008 now). I have finally found a good doctor, taken another series of blood tests and ultrasounds and have an appt tomorrow to hopefully get some answers and/or at least rule out PCOS. As tempted as I was by the INBA show, its quite illogical for me to think of competing again until I get my mind and body back in the right place. Time to put my health first.

Chocoholics anonymous

2010-05-17T16:08:00.001+10:00

I finally succumbed to the avalanche of media interest in Jessica Watson today, and of course as impressive as her solo sailing journey has been, I must say the thing that stood out in my mind from the article in the courier mail was that she ate 576 chocolate bars in the 7 months she was at sea…. Did she foresee requiring this amount of chocolate prior to the trip or did she do a stock take and count the empty wrappers afterward? LOL!

Another online article reported that she consumed:

32 cans of spam, 64 cans of tuna, 32 cans of pineapple, 576 chocolate bars and 290 freeze dried ready meals.

High on her list of priorities now on dry land were eating some fresh fruit and…. Eating a chocolate bar that hasn’t been melted and then re-set!

I seriously hope she was also taking a good multi-vitamin!

Are you a chocoholic or do you know one? I definitely think the more you have, the more you crave it.

I recall I used to be a chocolate fiend in my uni days – although at worst I would buy perhaps two or three bars per week to get me through 2 hour law lectures (that’s a max of 84 in 7 months!) Snickers, Twix or KitKat Crunchy’s were my faves. These days I’m happy getting a somewhat regular chocolate fix from the sprinkles on top of cappuccinos and when I do eat chocolate I prefer dark chocolate with nuts – oh no, I think my tastebuds are growing up!

Sugar, free food and being happy

2010-05-13T15:11:00.002+10:00

I haven’t had much to say lately because a) it seems as though my effort to lose weight has resulted in me being able to stabilize it….. which I’ve decided is much better than trying to maintain and gaining weight! b) I don’t think my life is very exciting right now but I’ve decided – screw it – im going to blog about random crap if I feel like it and stop worrying whether it is boring/has a point – haha! Sure most of it might be to do with food, but that’s ok, I’ve realized I’m not the only one who is a little obsessed with it!

I love good food and coffee and after a little rebound from strict dieting for so long I am re-learning to enjoy what I like in moderation. I’ve decided to be happy and put an end to self imposed misery and if you read the link in my last post – my attitude has been purely narcissistic! Skwigg put it beautifully in this post about focusing on behaviours rather than numbers. If I am happy, I will make good choices, enjoy training and my weight will settle naturally.

So, back to food ;P I work in the city and instead of browsing around at clothes like other normal girls, I went to check out the newly refurbished Coles that people are raving about. I even served myself when I bought a pkt of Nescafe cappuccino sachets. I figured I would save some money and sugar/milk by drinking them instead of buying cappuccino’s – addict!!

On my way back to work I got handed a free sample of Sultana Bran ‘crunch’. I’m such a sucker for free stuff and I used to LOVE Sultana Bran in high school But I checked the label and would you believe its 28% sugar!!? A whopping 12.8g per measly 45g serve. Think I’ll stick to my oats, where I can make 30g go a long way :)

Gone is the fat free craze and the focus is well and truly on sugar, keeping your blood sugar and insulin levels stable and using the energy from carbohydrates more wisely. Life is a lot simpler when you eat mostly unprocessed food I think, and don't have to worry about reading food labels and added sugar. At first I thought that artificial sweetener was a god send but lately I have made an effort to cut back on the amount of Splenda I’ve been using on my oats and on natural yoghurt and have noticed that when its not super sweet how much more satisfying it is, ie you don’t feel like you could immediately eat another bowl! Perhaps there is some truth to those theories that artificial sweetener can cause you to overeat (if you are not conscious and careful!)

Do you agree that you can ‘decide to be happy’? I know a lot of people who are chasing happiness or will be happy when they lose x kg, get a new job etc …. Why wait? We all have a lot to be grateful for and happy about RIGHT NOW.

Interesting read

2010-05-10T15:06:00.000+10:00

http://www.stumptuous.com/rant-57-may-2010-whats-eating-you

I love a good rant

A balanced diet

2010-04-27T15:58:00.003+10:00

What’s your definition of a balanced diet?

Does it have to be perfectly balanced every single day… or the average of a weekly intake? I’m starting to doubt it. What if some days all I felt like was cereal, milk and fruit whereas other days I ate meat and vege?

After over thinking it for ages I’ve decided to define it simply as a variety of whole foods from all the food groups. I figure that this (+ a good quality multi vitamin) is the best way to maximize your chances of hitting your required levels of vitamins and minerals and stay healthy. Its so sad that many diseases acquired later and life can be attributed to nutritional deficiency over time (B vitamins are a common one) but are just accepted as a normal part of growing old!

I’ve enjoy reading some blogs lately (eg Skwigg, KellyO, Chelle) about letting go of diet rules. I can certainly relate to that! Eg I would say that for at least a few years now I have religiously eaten a protein meal every 2 to 4 hours. This rule sounds fairly straightforward but in practice takes a lot of planning and discipline and has a habit of getting in the way of life! I think the ultimate goal for all of us would be to easily and intuitively choose the foods that meet our bodies’ requirements and help us to get strong and stay lean – without stress! Ah, we can dream. I like the recognition coming through that a one size fits all approach is never going to cut it for long term results.

I’m certainly not in a place where I can throw all of my ‘rules’ away. The idea is intriguing but freaks me out. But having said that, being a perfectionist means that having a plan to follow and then not following it 80% let alone 100% of the time drives me crazy! Its like setting yourself up to fail. Previously, posts about ‘finding out what works for you’ meant little to me and I actually found that advice really frustrating. A lot of people want to be told exactly what to eat and when and so did I. In my opinion, this is the only way to prepare for a figure competition. But now I understand that this process is absolutely necessary to maintain a healthy mind and body.

I guess the key as always comes back to balance between the results you want, health and maintaining peace of mind. I’m never going to get as lean as I’d like to without a bit of diet stress. To be honest, sometimes I wish I didn’t know what it feels like to be that lean. So while I’d still like to trim down I need to think about what is and isn’t working FOR ME and what I can happily live with.

Ps. Weight stayed the same during ‘week 11’ of OSB :)

Rituals

2010-04-20T15:59:00.002+10:00

I’m putting a positive spin on ‘ho hum’ daily routines or things I frequently do by renaming them as ‘rituals’. What do you think? Do you have them and are they beneficial to you? Or do you prefer to be less predictable and more spontaneous?

We are all creatures of habit to some extent. One ‘ritual’ I enjoy is:
- if we train on a Saturday, we’ll go to garden city first, have a teriyaki chicken for lunch followed by Gloria Jeans at Borders while we read the magazines. Training is so much better after the combo of carbs, caffeine and a boost of motivation by reading oxygen!

Rituals also help us get through things that we don’t do because they are enjoyable but because they simply need to be done. I have an obsessive habit about doing as much as possible in advance. For example, I can’t sit down of a night time to eat dinner until I’ve prepped everything for work the following day – I feel like once I relax, it won’t happen!

I think the problem is that we are all a little pressed for time and the weekends are too darn short.

I’m usually stuffed on a Friday night, Saturday mornings are devoted to sleeping in and cleaning and Sunday afternoons I’m usually cooking up a storm for the week ahead. All of that leaves a small window where I decide to either go out and be sociable or flop on the couch with a dvd. I feel like Homer Simpson when he said, “I used to rock all night and party every day… then it was every other day… now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky”.

Yawn

2010-04-19T15:58:00.002+10:00

First things first, ‘Week 12’ saw me lose 300g on the scales. Initially, I think the process is just a case of ‘reining it in’ because stopping the weight gain was the first hurdle! Set realistic goals and you shall prosper, lol! Week 11 is going moderately well so although painstakingly slow I should get these three kilos off eventually!

I’ve decided that boredom is a huge factor holding me back at the moment. Boredom is of course entirely all our own fault. But what do you do when you’re in a comfy rut but don’t have much to look forward to?

I’m also scared and acutely aware of BEING boring. I think I’m having a bit of an identity crisis… people tend to define themselves according to an aspect of their lives eg job, family duties, sport. I think the problem is that I don’t feel passionate about much at the moment. Training used to be a good distraction but now its more just a part of the routine.

The good news about training is that I met Steph at our gym last week and trained back with her, which was great. We were both on the look out for a training partner so hopefully we can do more sessions on a semi regular basis and learn from eachother. Steph has a great muscle base by the way, not knowing who she was, I had admired her biceps the previous week hehe!

Treat yourself

2010-04-13T16:27:00.002+10:00

Tuesday has become ‘sushi day’ for Ali and I lately :) If you’re a fan and live in Brisbane you may have heard of the place in the CBD called ‘R Sushi’ that is so good, people will queue out the door and around the corner!

I’m rediscovering the importance of incorporating healthy off plan meals into the week as options when out and about or when we need a little break from cooking. My favourite healthy off plan/convenient meals are sushi rolls, subway, Nando's chicken salad, teriyaki chicken with rice and (at home)... scrambled eggs on Burgen or Helgas toast! Nothing fancy. Although it’s a wonderfully nerdy idea, I don’t have off plan meals at set times/days of the week but having them as options, say up to 4 meals per week (10% meals) keeps me satisfied and gives me a break from eating exactly the same thing everyday. What are your ideas?

Also, due to the generosity and flexibility of my meal plan, I don’t need to plan out a cheat/treat meal anymore but I can assume that one may inevitably occur, so allow once per week. So when ‘someone’ suggested a Maccas run late on Friday night last week I joined in, guilt free. While I did enjoy it, afterward it felt like a bit of a waste of a treat meal though – going to hold out for something better this week!

The fabulous Chelle is helping me look at the next 12 weeks not as a diet or challenge but simply a means to get back on track to eating in a balanced and healthy manner in REAL LIFE. I realized today that even though I haven’t been on a diet for some time, my head has still been in ‘diet mode’. This means that eating in a less than ‘perfect’ way has been resulting in incredible guilt and fueling the restrict/binge cycle. No more!

Making a start is always the most difficult part. Its scary to make a commitment to yourself, let alone publicly to change purely for fear of failure. I’m feeling a lot more light hearted about everything, like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. You’re only truly a failure if you stop trying. I’m not any physically different yet but the attitude adjustment is already doing wonders for my self esteem. When I look in the mirror I’m starting to be able to see the positive things first, rather than focusing in on flaws.

Fern put it very well in her comment on my last post, a healthy lifestyle is all about having respect for yourself :)

Week 12 wrap up and my 'inner fat person'

2010-04-12T15:36:00.002+10:00

Well I finally took the plunge and weighed self and I’ve put on about 3kg since I last weighed in… I am now sitting at about 9kg over “comp weight”. Now I know that doesn’t sound like too drastic a situation - the real issue has been that I came off a diet, started gaining weight healthily but then just couldn’t stop…

As I’ve mentioned, its not so much the looks aspect but that my sense of feeling in control, disciplined and motivated had disappeared. I honestly reached such a low point mentally over the past few months that I was afraid that I COULD eventually end up obese if I didn’t drastically alter my headspace. I’m not trying to be dramatic. I think most people who have never had weight issues may look at obese people and wonder how they came to be that way/how they let themselves go that far. Physically, it’s a case of poor habits and eating excess calories over a prolonged time. Mentally, its feeling powerless to change. I know that my 4 months and few kg’s has the potential to turn into ten years and forty kg if I don’t consciously work at this.

Now that I’m thinking clearly again and am back on board the OSB train, I know that it is all up to me. I can observe negative thoughts and let them pass and if I slip it doesn't matter, I'll just keep going – how did week 12 go? It was far from perfect… which I’m actually happy about! I stuck to my plan (which is not too restrictive) four days out of seven, I had one treat meal and three healthy off plan meals. The off plan stuff was all Fri- Sunday so it felt like a nice relaxed weekend of eating. This was a test though, to my all or nothing attitude and propensity to binge once I get going…. I passed! I realise weight loss may be slow on this kind of approach but mental health is definitely more important J Babysteps.

My workouts have improved too. I trained shoulders yesterday, they feel like I have been wrestling and am all bruised …! I did DB shoulder press, side laterals and supersetted hammer strength rear laterals with front raises using a plate. Later in the week I will do military press and DB rear laterals (extra focus at the moment).

In other news, my sister and I went to see ‘Kick Ass’ on Friday night. I had no expectations but from the ad I had seen assumed it would be quite a ‘silly funny’ movie aimed at kids… um.. no! It was REALLY violent… so actually much better than I anticipated – haha!

Week 12 (counting backward)

2010-04-08T15:56:00.001+10:00

Thanks guys, I feel lucky and spoilt that I can neglect blogland for ages then jump right back in and get the same great level of support as ever. Lauren’s right when she says that at times we have to ‘dig ourselves out of the holes we’ve created’. That’s exactly it feels! In my ups and downs I always spend the first few days of a new plan feeling so guilty for the fact that the reason I have to diet again now is for all the indulging I’ve done - all my own fault, can’t blame anything or anyone. But at some point you have to shake off this mindset and get on with it, the quicker the better! Continuing to beat yourself up over it only makes the job harder. I actually woke up this morning excited about the changes I’m going to make. (My picture's title is 'get excited about life' Ive posted it before, makes me laugh every time)

I haven’t even weighed myself (yet) and Im not sure if I want or need to do the whole ‘before’ photo thing. I already have that photo from June 2008 and when I look at it I get upset because I thought that I didn’t know that person anymore. Its distressing that since the ‘high’ of comp, in only 6 months I am the most uncomfortable with what I see in the mirror than I have been since June 2008. But scarier than that is the loss of my sense of control over my habits and ability to change my body. So I’m concentrating on getting that back by putting an end to complacency. I’ve been ‘eating intuitively’ for the last 4 months but it ain’t working for me. The quest to find a nice balance between intuitive eating and the “all or nothing” dieting continues. My colour coded calendar is a nice shade of “compliant” yellow so far, but my measure of success is no longer that I had a ‘perfect’ day but that I was satisfied with the choices I made. Because off season life involves dining out sometimes and also having to use portion control when you haven’t carefully weighed out whatever you’re eating!

So week 1 is going well, all things considered. I’ll try my best to blog regularly even where there is nothing good to report. Every now and then I get extremely self conscious about the fact that I blog openly about such personal issues and I feel like I’m opening up my diary for anyone to read. But at the end of the day, this is me and the support we give eachother is more important than a fear of being judged.

Redefine yourself - as you wish!

2010-04-07T16:12:00.003+10:00

Its been just over 6 months since the comp, as you know I’ve been struggling immensely for about the last 4. I wanted to be able to continue to eat well just for me, rather than to meet a goal but as we know this is easier said than done.

So after many false starts, I am joining in with Chelle on part 2 of her twelve week challenge which started on Monday. We discussed how breaking the twelve weeks up into three x four week blocks may help make it seem more manageable. I’ve got my own colour coded calendar and everything, lol! What happens after the twelve weeks? Well maybe thats an excuse to pause, celebrate how far we've come and then just keep going... maybe the key is to have a never ending goal, broken up into segments....! It reminds me of when personal trainers/group fitness leaders saying five more reps when they really mean ten. Its amazing what the body can do when the mind is convinced.

I spent some time rereading over some of my old posts and I’ve realized that the best thing about being in shape is the way you feel inside. The person I want to be (who has been MIA lately) is proud, confident, calm and inspiring. This person also advised readers NOT to go on diets or 12 week challenges! So over the next 12 weeks I will be continuing to work on personal challenges and rebuilding that self belief rather than just watching what goes in my mouth! :)

Q&A

2010-03-09T10:58:00.004+10:00

I love questions! A few came through following publication of my email addy in the last Oxygen magazine but not as many as I'd hoped! I certainly don't pretend to be an expert and have all the answers but I know how helpful asking questions was when I first got started and I always feel very humbled when someone is motivated enough to want my opinion.

This one's very general but I thought I'd share:

My name is Sarah* and I'm 23 years old. I've been doing some bodyscuplting training, it must be about 6 weeks since i started, and i'm not getting as much defination as I thought I would have by now. I play alot of sport, so that is my cardio work. I have just started weight training 3 days a week, as I have sport the other days and Saturday as is my rest day and I play sport on Sundays.

I would just like to know how you go about training and diet?

Regards,

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Thanks very much for your email. So you say that you have been training with weights three times per week for about six weeks now? I think that’s a good place to start and over time you may want to increase this to four sessions per week to pay more attention to each muscle group. I currently do a four day weights split and would increase this to five days when preparing for a competition.

How much definition you can see depends both on how much muscle you have and your body fat percentage. If you started a diet to lean down, over time you would see more lines and definition coming though and separation between the muscle groups. It sounds like you are doing plenty of cardio, so perhaps turning your attention to your diet and making sure its mostly clean, unprocessed foods would certainly help you drop some excess body fat and make you feel more confident about the progress you are making with your training.

Try not to be too impatient though, unfortunately us girls are significantly disadvantaged as compared to men in the hormone department to grow big muscles or lean down.
Really enjoy your training, lift as heavy as you can with good form, train all muscle groups and be really consistent. When you see any woman with noticeable muscle definition you can be sure she has worked long and hard for it (or has incredible genetics… bitch! Haha).

Is it your goal to compete in a bodysculpting competition? Its not for anyone to say how long someone should train for before they do this because everyone is different and makes progress at different paces. I can only use myself as an example, I had been consistently training with weights for about three years before I started my competition preparation (diet) to compete in bodysculpting. I believe this gave me a good foundation and enough definition to compete successfully in the novice category however, I would I need quite a bit more muscular size in order to be competitive in higher categories. When it comes to natural competitions, the women in their 40's look the best because they have been training for so long and have the muscle thickness and maturity that only comes with time. While conditioning is very important to your success, novice competitors run the risk of dieting down to waif like proportions! The key there is to find the balance that looks right on you. Judging in Figure (bodysculpting) can be very subjective and depends on a person's overall look.

*Name changed for privacy

So have you all had a good look at the results and pics from the 2010 Arnold Classic? I agree with Ali's commentary which you can read at http://mesocorp.blogspot.com/2010/03/direction-of-figure.html You have to laugh at the paint edits too.

That's why my picture is of second place winner Erin Stern I know everyone has a different opinion about what a figure competitor should look like nowadays - for me, this girl doesn't have a great degree of muscle size but I like her shape, conditioning is great (see the lines in the quads) and I like her overall look - its always going to come back to this!!

Slow start

2010-02-24T09:43:00.001+10:00

My name is Stephanie and I’m a sugar addict! Haha, that’s what my withdrawal symptoms over the first few days told me.. Its not like I was ever gorging myself on chocolate bars however, a sudden switch over to a super clean regime (NO processed food) caused my sweet tooth to go ballistic!

There’s also a lot of head games at the beginning (when you’ve reached the point where you know you need to tighten things up). I knew the first few days would be difficult coming to terms with being on any kind of meal plan. Its like I have an inner child that’s trying to rebel against any kind of rules and I have to drag her kicking and screaming through it. I am distracting her as much as possible and placating with promise of a treat meal at the end of the week! (This works for me)

The good news is time passes and it gets easier. I have always found that once the momentum gets going you a) know you can do it and b) realise its well worth the effort.

I’d like to reach a ‘happy skins place’ in about eight weeks. I can’t wait to get this first week done so I can report some good results!

Following that, its crack number two at the maintenance game. Everyone is agreeing that this is the difficult part -You can relax a little … but nowhere near as much as you’d like to! So I’ll keep food journaling and blog as much as I can. I know that to be as lean as I’d like to be I’ll need to monitor things. I don’t want to come across as being obsessed with my weight, I just want to do what it takes! Hell, if I had an i-phone and more time on my hands I’d totally be one of those bloggers who posts little pictures of their meals. Its amusing how we’re all fascinated by what others are eating- lol!

Kate is also right about ‘square one’. I may be frighteningly close to the body fat I was at the beginning of my journey but I have so much more experience under my belt! Back then I thought I couldn’t possibly get any leaner because I was already doing enough exercise and didn’t know how to manipulate my meal plan.

I’m going to be a little tough on myself during these eight weeks just in order to get the job done. I really appreciate the comments that the weight gain was not my fault however, I am the one whose been overeating so I take responsibility for that. The depression was not my fault but I need to keep working on ways to deal with my emotions rather than turning to food, however extreme. Sugar and caffeine might produce an instant rush of feeling good but eating well and training is what makes us feel better ALL the time J

Square one

2010-02-22T12:24:00.004+10:00

Wow, I was overwhelmed by the awesome comments to my last post. You guys are the BEST! I knew a lot of you would know exactly why a comment like that would get me going due to all the underlying emotions and sensitivity! So I’m glad I put my raw feelings there.

Wouldn’t it be so great if we could be as kind to ourselves as we are to each other? People often refer to there being a lot of pressure out there on certain groups like women, young people, working mothers etc but it is nothing compared to the pressure we put on ourselves. The problem for me is, the more negative feelings I have like feeling overwhelmed by pressure, expectation, guilt and so on, the less productive and more rebellious I become! (Self-sabotage?) Frustrating pattern.

Anyway, as April puts it, ‘extra fluff’ got to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore so I had a long overdue date with Mr calipers yesterday to find out I’m a hairsbreath away from SQUARE ONE. I did ok immediately post comp but seemed to drop the ball just prior to Christmas and a month off work. I knew maintenance would be a different kind of hard work from dieting and I had a lot of trouble staying focused. I also went through a patch of depression where I didn’t care enough to treat myself well and watch what I was eating.

So the calipers’ reading was sufficient to shock me back into some kind of plan of attack to strip off some of the excess and start to feel more confident again. Sometimes the ‘numbers’ are a good way to take the emotion out of the equation. I know what to do, its just a case of doing it and watching the numbers come down. On Saturday I wrote and began a plan and realized that it was exactly 20 weeks from INBA’s All Females comp in July this year (which I plan on attending). Its extremely tempting to jump in and think great, I will compete in that and there’s my motivation – easy.

What I’m struggling with is that without a goal like competing, it seems extremely difficult right now to muster any sort of positive motivation. My motivation is more from discomfort and a sense of disappoint with myself. This will work fine to get me going but what happens when I start to feel good again? How do we avoid the self-sabotage then? I'm going to have to work very hard at this.

I will give myself a goal with a timeframe to get back to a ‘happy place’. But I think I need to accept that this is a journey without an ending. I did get to a place where I felt very confident with my habits and discipline and I can get there again. But I have to be aware that staying in such a frame of mind requires a lot of attention. We all fall down sometimes and it can be a slippery slope. Thanks for helping me up!

Public Property

2010-02-19T11:58:00.001+10:00

Warning: the post below could be described as an emotional venting over reaction… but I’m going to go right ahead anyway.

I just ran into someone at work that I hadn’t seen since last year. I don’t even know this person and to be honest, never really liked them either – you know how you just speak to some people to be polite? Well this was our brief conversation today:

Her: “Hey are you still doing your running thing?”
Me: “Um I don’t run…. I just go to the gym and do weights”
Her: “Weren’t you training for some race or something?”
Me: “Oh no, I was dieting for a figure/body sculpting competition last year… it was in September”.
*She pauses to look me up and down*
Her: “Well wow, you look really different now. Aren’t you training anymore?”

I don’t think people realise how devastating they can be. I still weight train just as often, I’m just doing less cardio and not dieting anymore!

I’m so tired of discussing it. I’m tired of talking about why I’m eating salad, why I’m eating cake, why I’ve lost weight, why I’ve gained weight – tired of my eating habits and weight being judged and commented on… I’m tired of my a$$ being public property!

I’m obviously feeling quite self conscious right now. I know most people don’t really understand the sport. I know a lot of the judgement is probably in my head. At the end of the day no one gives a shit if I’m on a diet or not so why comment? I wish I could have a thicker skin. I feel like on a diet I have to be apologetic for being too thin and not joining in with food and off a diet I have to feel guilty for all of a sudden not having the ‘iron discipline’ I seemed to have before! Thinking about this too much is doing my head in and it turns me off the idea of competing again. I feel like if I did, I’d flatly refuse to discuss it at all – If they were really interested I could just direct them here to my blog!

I’m sick of politely answering questions such as the one above. I know she didn’t mean to be rude but… poor little sensitive me obviously took offence. So what is the best way to fob off such remarks? What would your reaction have been?

Public Property

2010-02-19T11:58:00.000+10:00

Detox?

2010-02-11T16:36:00.002+10:00

Have you ever been on a detox program? I’m curious to hear about people’s understanding of this term and experiences with it.

My experience to date has been limited and negative. About ten years ago ( I was 14) my mum and I embarked on a popular ‘liver cleansing’ detox which basically involved eating no solid food for at least a week, rather to consume vegetable juice and various herbal teas.

Not really knowing much about it I jumped on the bandwagon and did not consume any food for seven days, I think on the seventh day I vomited purple (beetroot juice) all over our carpet… mmm! Now, I’ve read a lot of testimonies from people who claim to have cured themselves from various diseases, even cancer by going on such detoxes. However, for a healthy 14 year old girl what do you think was the greatest attraction? Yep, I lost 5kg in that week (mostly water and some muscle no doubt). Its so sad, I distinctly remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking wow, I’ll never eat again! Cue the yo yo dieting that commenced a few years later!

My mum’s biggest hobby is researching and spending lots of money on natural/alternative remedies and although I wouldn’t call her a ‘hypochondriac’ I don’t think I’ve ever asked her how she was and heard her reply ‘good or well’. (A “Bloody fantastic!” would be even better …one day perhaps!) She was a registered nurse for many years so is no stranger to conventional medicine but I guess prefers to use drugs etc as a last resort. I spoke to her recently and she was about to go on another liver cleansing program (she has probably done it a few times over the last decade) and insists that it is a great way to give the internal organs a break/recover from the stress we put on them.

I challenged this idea with the notion that, instead of bombarding our bodies with toxins such as sugar and alcohol and then periodically fasting; shouldn’t we seek to limit the amount of punishment we inflict on our livers/kidneys etc in the first place? When is starving yourself ever a good idea?

Most of the more general detox diets seem to require no caffeine, sugar or alcohol, less dairy, red meat, more vegetables etc for a certain period of time. Is this just code for a healthy diet? I guess I don’t like the way that detoxes imply a temporary change in eating habits rather than encouraging people to eat this way as consistently as possible. Its also a subjective term I guess as each person may need to 'detox' from something different than the next person. I would say my biggest challenges are caffeine and oversized portions when eating off plan/something I haven’t pre-prepared.

Being grateful

2010-02-05T11:05:00.003+10:00

Hi all
Hope you’re all out there training hard, eating well and doing whatever else it is that makes you happy! I was back at work all of 5 seconds when I got struck down with a tummy virus for almost a week. Today is my first day back at work and although I often complain about my desk job it feels sooo good to feel normal and do something productive! Never never never take your health for granted! It’s one of the simple things most of us can usually be grateful for almost everyday.

I watched a lot of Oprah during my week on the couch and yesterday saw her interview with the lady who got mauled by her boss’ ‘pet’ chimpanzee. Did you hear about that a little while ago? She wanted to be able to reveal her face on her own terms rather than let the papparazzi get a shot of her. I don’t know if you’ve seen her face but the injuries were horrific and they had to remove her eyes. Our society places such pressure on women to maintain their appearances and it all feels very trivial when you hear about survival stories like this. You might think you'd rather die but when Oprah (very sensitively) posed this kind of question to her it seemed almost offensive. Why would she rather have died when she is now in no pain and has a teenage daughter? On a day when I’m struggling with what to feel grateful for all I need to do is look out the window of my office at the sky.

I also watched a lot of reality type shows on the lifestyle channel such as ‘what not to wear’, ‘how to look good naked’ and ‘extraordinary weight stories’. Major theme being women generally feeling miserable about themselves, their looks and their bodies. Its nice to see attempts being made to make these women see that they are perfectly fine the way they are (perhaps just needing to take a little more pride in choice of clothes etc) rather than selling them stupid creams and ab rollers. I love it when the host says “I don’t want you to just accept your body the way it is, I want you to flaunt it!” lol. Its not about loving being fat, its about having confidence and treating yourself well. No one ever successfully and healthily lost weight by hating themselves.

I’d very much like to rid myself of the mindset ‘never good enough’. It’s a waste of a life.

So what are you grateful for? Right now I'm grateful that I feel well enough again to eat my broccoli without gagging :)

10 things

2010-01-24T10:30:00.005+10:00

...that make me happy :)

April's blog gave me this idea (ps THANKS for your comment girl, but the pic above is still 4 weeks out from comp!! ... still working out what the real me is.... !) :) :)

1. Cartoons! particularly the Simpsons.... I am watching it right now haha. My parents were super strict when I was young and we weren't allowed to watch it which resulted in a subsequent obsession with the show. My bedroom was literally full of merchandise, I still have the good stuff ;)

2. Blogland! Even though I tend to read the blogs along the same fitness vein, I love the variety of posts between inspiration, workouts, daily struggles, successes, venting, sharing information and ramble - I love a good ramble!

3. Very simple things.... lol! eg when the chocolate powder on cappuccinos smells like easter eggs (the good stuff!) oh yeah and the caffeine is pretty happy-making too!

4. My two fur babies (cats) and animal antics in general (the title of the bulldog pic is 'hotdog' hehe). Pets are the ultimate in mood lifting. I love it when they find a cool spot on the carpet in our bedroom, sprawl out and let me rub their tummies... awwww!!! I knew I had to get my female cat Cookie spayed after her first litter but breeding cats would be so much fun!

5. Privacy. This is far too much information but I love that Ali and I are able to live in our private house alone and hang about in whatever we want. My mum would whinge at me when I was little because I never wanted to put clothes on.. I guess some things never change... lol!

6. Being a girl and thus being able to wear whatever I want. Every now and then I get stuck in a black and conservative clothes rut, especially at work but I love that I can bust out a colourful summer dress and girl it up too! Being able to get cool costume jewellery cheap from somewhere like Diva just to match an outfit is fun too.

7. Great haircuts and my GHD! I bought this when I was 18 and its probably the best thing I've ever bought. My hair is naturally a curly frizzy mess but is really quick and easy to straighten.

8. My treadmill is a close second (best purchase). Great tip for buying one is to pick it up second hand (ebay, weekend paper) etc. Huge discount from new and let's face it, most of them will be close to brand new. Ours had been used max 5 times... poor neglected beast- We gave it a good home.

9. Cooking. I love using fresh ingredients and finding new ways to spice up our chicken and vegies or fish and salad. I love trying a new recipe, making things from scratch and making up the rules along the way. I especially love trying new combinations and mixing a whole lot of things together! Lately I've taken to stirfrying vegies like beans, red onion and thinly sliced carrots to top cold salads- love the hot/cold combo.

10. A good division between alone time, Ali and me time, family time and girl friends time. When you think about it there are a lot of people that love you. Aww!

I tag you all to try this list!

23 days in

2010-01-23T16:47:00.005+10:00

How is your 2010 going? I can't complain so far, I haven't been into work yet! :P Our holidays are coming to an end after Australia Day. Operation relax and destress is taking a little longer than I thought but is well underway.

As timing would have it, our ducted air conditioning went on the fritz two days before our break and we'll probably only get it fixed the week we get back to work- so January has been a little bit sweaty! Haven't been up to all that much either, but starting the year in good spirits and remembering my vows to be more grateful, focussing on what I have rather than what I ... want! For example, not having heaps of $ to keep oneself constantly entertained and the negativity that comes with being bored or restless...

Do you find yourself 'bored' if you're not constantly engaged in something? I think you can even be bored when you are doing something that's not actively requiring your full attention. I've been using this word too much lately so am telling myself that it is just a state of mind. I'm working on living more in the present, how can I be calm and relaxed if doing nothing automatically = boredom = irritability/anxiety? I bet all the ladies with children out there are wishing they had nothing to do right now, lol!

I certainly got my wish to get out of routine with this break from work, its been a nice long stretch and I'm finally ready to get into it. 'Finding balance' with settling back into training and clean eating has been challenging at times with so much free time so having to prep my meals in advance for work again and not eating out as much will definately help.

I visited lindy's forum and dallas' website for the first time in ages today - both sites are growing and all the girls seem to be doing well! I was surprised and flattered to see my pics on dallas site alongside some amazing athletes. Its still definately a goal of mine to do another shoot with Dallas in the near future, at a size that I am fit and confidently maintaining.

Looking ahead at the year, another big plan is coming to Melbourne to watch the All Females in July. I've seen a lot of excited posts about either competing or spectating this show!! My Mum lives in Melbourne so I'm already planning when I will book in my next bit of leave. I will never leave it so long between vacations again!

Day in the life of ...

2010-01-13T13:24:00.002+10:00

me! Thanks for the tag Chelle

Well I'm on holidays at the moment but a usual weekday for me is structured like this:

5:30 alarm goes off

5:30-6:30 walk on treadmill while I watch foxtel

6:30-7:30am shower, breakfast (always oats!) which I eat while watching more foxtel - used to watch the morning news programs but now I only do if I want to hear about the weather

7:30-8:30ish commute to the city for work

8:30-4:30 work - I have a coffee (long blk or skinny capp) as soon as I can after getting to work to get the brain juices going. While at the office, I eat meals 2,3 and 4 at work plus copious amounts of water and green tea. Although I'm sitting at my desk all day, getting up to heat meals and go to the bathroom means I'm never stationery for too long!

5-6:30 Train!

7-9:30pm get home, shower, cook and eat dinner, finish food prep and pack meals for following day. I don't have time to get on the net on a training night during the week, but after a day sitting at a computer its really the last thing I want to do anyway.

9:30pm try to get into bed by this time. Wind down with a book or episode of simpsons, family guy etc. We also eat dessert in bed! Natural yoghurt + vanilla protein powder and splenda if you like it sweet. Freeze this for about 2.5 hrs before serving (so it firms up but is not too hard and it stays creamy) and try it with strawberry diet jelly! :)

All over the shop

2010-01-12T17:13:00.002+10:00

That's how I would describe the past week with my nutrition. First few days after the 'weigh in' were lean and clean then I had a few treats on outings and dinner + dessert for my Dad's bday thrown in the mix. So I wasn't sure what to expect from mr scales yesterday morning. I actually dropped 1.5kg... so I'm thinking all of that processed crap I ate over xmas and new years had me blown up like a balloon! Certainly wasn't a tight week so I'm not kidding myself- I'm taking the scale readings as a guide and focussing more on how I'm feeling, looking and how well I've been keeping up the good food habits (ie least 80% of the time).

Holidays are a minefield for eating well aren't they! Days when we don't have much on I easily get the cooking done and eat my six clean meals. Other days we eat and here and there and I might end up eating 4 or 5 larger meals in a day. Overall I'm pleased with my attitude to food lately - I haven't binged or felt out of control for a long time. I just overeat from time to time and go back for seconds when I shouldn't....! haha. Obviously there's a lot more social stuff going on atm where you're not eating pre-weighed portions. We are going back to work the day after Australia Day so I am waiting until then to take my skinfolds so I can get an accurate picture of my current condition.

Training has gone well, doing a new four day split that Ali has written for me with a lower rep range and few more working sets than I've been doing. I'm deadlifting once a fortnight now to build a stronger core and overall thickness - serious stuff :)

I found this pic of me 16 weeks out from the show (end May 2009) where I was 60ml bodyfat over 9 sites. I think this would be an ideal place to maintain to be able to lean down quite easily for a show. We'll find out how far off I am soon!

Me too!

2010-01-04T11:16:00.003+10:00

Can I join in on the year of the sexy bitch?

I said losing weight wouldn't be one of my new years goals but gosh darnit I had a little bit too much fun so far on my holidays and have gained an impressive amount of weight in a very short time!! ... oops! I think the silliest thing you can do when you know you are being a bit footloose and fancy free with your diet is not weigh yourself... was in a small state of denial and ignoring the inevitable.

The penny really dropped when we went camping at Noosa the last couple of days - I no longer felt at ease with the weight on my stomach when wearing a bikini rather than a tank. This is something I've struggled with since I was very young, I store fat on my tummy so its one of the main areas I judge my progress on.

So after this morning's little shock I will return to weighing myself once a week at the same time. In previous years I would be upset and annoyed with myself. But Ive learnt just how unhelpful that is! So I'm putting into practice what I have learnt and bringing in the reins on all the treats that were increasing in frequency and portions- the meals out, bread, sugary condiments, dairy etc.

The year of the sexy bitch is about working on my confidence. I'm not a failure if I gain weight. Maintaining is something I'm new to and need to practice because its so easy to fall back into habits such as eating out of boredom etc Chelle is one of the most confident gals I know, which is something I really admire - she's going to keep an eye on my progress over the next few weeks.

We are all already sexy bitches. In 2010 we're going to flaunt it!

Happy New Year! Resolutions anyone?

2010-01-01T12:40:00.002+10:00

Are you having a relaxing lazy day today!? Hope so! Im a little bored actually! Have some fish in the oven right now that I'm keeping one eye on. 'Diet' has been quite relaxed over Christmas and New Years but with plenty of fish, chicken and vegies in there as well. I think celery and rocky road makes a good combo, don't you? haha. Meanwhile I haven't weighed myself in the last couple of weeks, have been putting that off which is a little dangerous...!

We had a quiet one with friends last night, nice dinner, couple of drinks and played some cards. I'm really not fussed on alcohol anymore, I would really rather eat my calories! ;) I had one and a half lemon ruskies before making the mistake of seeing how much sugar was in them.... i couldn't bring myself to finish it! Meanwhile the icecream biscuits and custard were a treat, once again - EAT your calories and sugar, don't drink them! hehe.

We have a whole month off and it is BLISS!!! had left it far too long without a break and were absolutely hanging out for it. We are training at our little local 24 hr gym which is nice and quiet. Not too many plans ahead, going camping for a couple of nights at Noosa then staying at the Royal Pines a couple of nights next week. My theory is we'll appreciate the resort all the more after roughing it. I'm not a 'girly girl' but do appreciate creature comforts! Its nice being about to go away and not to have to worry too much about food, but we are packing plenty of canned tuna and protein powder!

So a couple of people have been posting about New Years resolutions. I think its as good a time as any to reflect and consider new goals. I'm keeping mine fairly simple. This year I'd like to:

stress and worry less

not leave clothes all over the bedroom

apply for a new position at my work and upskill

read lots of books

go on a cruise

go to Melbourne - maybe in July to watch all females!

get some more professional photos done

write some more articles

xoxox

Beautiful Blogger Awards

2009-12-30T14:27:00.004+10:00

April kindly nominated me to carry this post on - can i just emphasis again how much I love this girl's blog and as I'm a bit of a lazy blogger, I'm flattered to be on her blogroll! :)

Part 1 of the deal is I get to divulge 7 random facts about me:

1. I'm both fascinated and terrified by croc/alligators. This month I plan to get some alligator tail and cook it using one of my recipes from Jamie Olliver.

2. The only country I've visited thus far is Japan. While I would love to see the rest of the world, my ideal holiday right now is cruising... to nowhere in particular.

3. I am a youngest sibling (one older sister) thus am used to getting pushed around a a bit, but never getting blamed for anything, lol.

4. I am a crazy cat lady, I have two but would have more if I could. I'd like dogs next (never had one before) and am worried I'll end up with a farm eventually! I want to get a pug and call it McBain.

5. I love training shoulders and am getting quite strong. But when I first started training, I used ~5kg dumbells for pressings and side laterals etc and could not even do the movement for rear laterals with the smallest baby weights!

6. I still eat ~ 1-1.5kg vegies a day (spread out over a lot of meals). I know I don't have to but I can't help it.

7. I am a closet popstar. I got singstar for Christmas to add to my collection of karaoke DVDs and CDs. I don't need alcohol to get up and sing either!

This is Cookie - she had four baby boys and we kept one of the gingers and named him Tiger.

Part 2 - I will nominate 7 more beautiful bloggers:

I nominate:

Don't feel as though you have to carry it on, but do know that you're beautiful! :O

2009 a year in pictures :)

2009-12-29T15:00:00.016+10:00

Wow, another year has come and almost gone. The biggest highlights of 2009 for me were competing in my first figure comp (of course!!) and scoring my permanent position at work - thank goodness that was earlier in the year before prep started!

I turned 24, Ali turned 27, we celebrated our 4th anniversary together and our 2nd anniversary of living in the home we purchased together.

... Now for some pics!

POSING! below L-R

First ever progress shot when we first went to see our coach Jon (June 2008 - 101ml @ 62kg)

First posing tutorial with Jo Rogers

10 weeks out, posing is getting easier

below L-R

the fun really began at 6 weeks out, no more cheat meals and a bit of HIIT

published in Oxygen! (pic also taken at 6 weeks out)

Dallas Olsen shoot at 4 weeks out

below L-R

8 weeks out, suit fitting with Jo

Finding out just how high my suit would have to be - thanks hips!

Jo promised it would out work on the day ... if I got into shape!

L-R

night before

show day

morning after

I hope you all had a successful and memorable year and I look forward to continuing to read comment and post in blogland in 2010!

Healthy?

2009-12-18T12:01:00.002+10:00

Thanks heaps to all who commented on my last post, they really made my day :)

Chelle asked me how many kilos were lost and found throughout the journey – in the ‘before’ pic I was about 66kg. This is a little heavier than I what I used to maintain, we had just come back from a cruise and were heading into Christmas, need I say more?! I competed at about 50kg (dry) and am currently maintaining between 54-55kg. As I’ve mentioned before, even though I’ve gained this weight reasonably slowly over the last 3 months, you get so used to be a certain way that feeling the fat creep on definitely plays with your head! However, I must remember that once upon a time, I never dreamed I’d comfortably maintain this weight! I starved and cardio’d my way down to 57kg once before when I was about 19 before promptly rebounding! I have to make a huge effort to stay positive and continually remind myself that I am slim and healthy.

A couple of you mentioned how much healthier we look in the ‘after’ shot, which I think is much more apparent from that choice of photo from the comp. I chose it because it is one of the few Ali and I have together AND it is offstage and after the night show, not as glamorous as those taken onstage so you can see how we really look. Ali had won his division so competed for the overall and ended up being dyhydrated for a lot longer than me.

So is competing unhealthy? You could definately argue the point either way.

Even if I decide never to compete again, I would never discourage others from doing so because it was the most challenging, character building time of my life to date and I owe a lot to my personal journey. I love the lifestyle of eating clean foods and training hard. I enjoy seeing the changes I can make to my physique and getting super lean is a fool proof way of seeing just how much (or how little!) muscle you actually have. I’m aware that different coaches have different methods and that some are far more effective and healthier than others. But I would venture to say that pushing through to that level of conditioning, especially for women is not the most healthy thing in the world and doesn’t come without its risks. No one should pretend otherwise. If it were just a matter of time and discipline, why wouldn't some people look stage ready all year?Why do there seem to be so many figure athletes plagued by hormone imbalances and adrenal fatigue?

I justified competing by the fact that the extreme conditioning is merely temporary. However, pushing yourself to such a place can certainly have effects that take longer to rebalance. I would definately advise other competitors to brace themselves for post comp and have a strategy in place for easing into an 'off season'. The body strives to maintain the status quo and doesn't seem to like sharp changes in routine! I think the term is homeostasis - A good example is 'peak week' when competitors water/sodium load then cut it out and deplete then carb up.

I like to see people educate themselves and make informed choices. Decide what your values, priorities and goals are and live accordingly. Decide what you are willing to commit to and whether you can manage any potential risks. Stop talking and act. In other words, whatever you are – be a good one!

ps you might be wondering about my picture... it cracked me up! reminds me not to take life so seriously :P

2 years well spent

2009-12-14T15:48:00.007+10:00

Don't you love a good before and after comparison? There is exactly two years between the first photo and the most recent one on the right, which was taken on the weekend. The one in the middle was obviously my show day which was 26 September 09.

The trouble is, how do you know when 'before' is and when have you reached 'after'? I've been waiting til long enough post comp to post these comparisons because competition condition does NOT = after photo! For me, my 'after' photo is all about my new lifestyle and positive relationship with food. Its about finding balance and peace with my weight and body image.

I wish more girls would genuinely embrace the fact that comp condition is not desirable year round. Everyone seems to agree that it is only a temporary state so why pine for it after the show is over? Aren't you just making yourself miserable unnecessarily? For example, a lot of girls seem to pine for their lost abdominals after comp. Don't you remember what you were doing to have them if you were lucky to see them at all? I only saw mine at sub 35ml bodyfat and dehydrated!

Gaining weight after the show is an unpleasant but necessary phase, it has been an interesting new challenge trying to work out my new maintenance level given that I have never successfully maintained a weight that I'm happy with before. I currently weigh myself once per week and would love for one day to do away with the scales completely. Despite how far I have come, I am silently terrified of regaining all the weight I've lost.

Complaining about our bodies is something we girls do very well and it is contagious. It almost feels wrong to be satisfied with yourself just the way you currently are. I do seek continuous improvement and will always have goals but also need to strike a balance between this and being proud of myself the way i am. The offseason is not an excuse to get fat and complacent but please, be kind to yourself and love your offseason body just as much. I know its easier said than done and I loved being rock hard too. When negative self image thoughts come to me I just tell myself- at least the boobs are back :)

Cellulite

2009-12-11T14:42:00.001+10:00

I always want to post on my blog but never know what to talk about. I learnt something about cellulite from good old foxtel the other day so I thought I’d share that. Do you know what cellulite actually is and why most women have it and most men don’t?

Its not a special kind of fat that you have to buy expensive creams for, its just normal body fat that gets a dimply appearance when it pushes against the connective tissue in our skin.

Because women’s bodies are designed to be able to be able to transform shape to carry babies, our connective tissue is a lot less dense than men’s, meaning there are far more ‘gaps’ in it. A typical healthy woman’s body fat percentage is also higher than a man’s. Basically when there’s enough fat under the skin pushing against this connective tissue, it will ‘spill through’ the gaps causing the outside to be bumpy rather than smooth. We all know that even very small women who appear slim in clothes can have high percentages of body fat, so they are not immune to cellulite. Don’t hate me, but I seem to be one of the lucky ones who doesn’t tend to get it (unless I squeeze my fat to make it appear… haha) BUT I am prone to stretch marks if I lose/gain weight rapidly so I guess that supports the theory about stronger connective tissue being less flexible.

The internet is and isn’t a good place to find out about things health wise. Using cellulite as an example, try to find out anything factual, all you get is sales pitches for remedies from creams to pills to vibrating treatments. Just like anything I guess, playing on body image issues and overcomplicating stuff sells products and makes money. Once more the simple answer we don’t want to hear is that all eat well and exercise. With good circulation, healthy skin and body fat levels you might still have some cellulite but only then can you start blaming mum for your genes!

Need...more...muscle!!!

2009-12-04T14:31:00.009+10:00

We've been sooo slack and still haven't put up any photos from comp around the house so I hadn't looked over them in a while. Bit of a shock when you haven't seen them for a while! Especially now that I'm used to my rounder face again, hehe! I know that my conditioning was as good as it could have been but damn- can I have some more muscle for Christmas please?

These are the pics I like:

However, some of the other shots are a little scary! Particularly my posing and symmetry shots from the side- my waist looked nice and small but I think I look very fragile and wouldn't have wanted a strong wind to blow! Ah such is the life of a natural female competitor.

One of the most important things I learnt from the stage experience was DO NOT RELAX for one second! Several people will get photos of you doing so and obviously the difference is quite incredible! I didn't find myself getting too sore onstage thankfully but I remember telling myself before going out- you have worked for this for 18 months, 5 more minutes won't kill you! Its definately a shame when you see posing or a lack of confidence let a competitor down. The pose I would be working on a lot for next time is my chest pose. Having quite long arms, I tried to tweak it by adjusting the position of my hands but I obviously didn't spend enough time practicing it without a mirror ...so ended up looking a little bizarre, lol!

So its now been 10 weeks since comp and hopefully the muscle building has been going well! We took one week off training after comp and have been training consistently four times per week since. Will take another week off over the Christmas/New Year break since the gym will be closed a few of those days anyway. I'll definately be keeping up with my walking though cos I'm sure there'll be some trifle and other goodies in there! Sounds a bit of a random food choice doesn't it? I just remembered that's what I went nuts on last year, probably because its not something you see often...

Less than 3 weeks to go now! Here's to enjoying an indulgent meal or two with family but not having to start 2010 with "lose weight" as a resolution xx

How popular are you?

2009-12-01T12:28:00.003+10:00

Time for a non figure/food related post! I've been thinking a lot lately about the 'sort of person' i aspire to be. During comp prep it was necessary to focus on myself and my own needs. In fact, this was a beneficial lesson for me in asserting myself. However, I found I lost touch with what was going on in other people’s lives and I still feel like I have a lot of catching up to do so I've been doing a lot more listening and asking questions than talking these days. It feels good. What is also beneficial is giving my mind a break from all things fitness and finding out more about what other people are interested in.

Think about a really ‘popular’ person you know. I mean popular in the genuine sense, not the high school bitch routine. Someone who everyone likes to be around.

How do you feel when you talk to them? Listened to? Good about yourself?

Here are some traits or skills that I think popular people have in common:
Communication
Active listening skills. Genuine interest in people and what they have to say. They also seem to remember things people tell them.
Confidence
They don’t seem to worry about what other people think of them… they don’t really have to! There is less fear of offending anyone, overreacting to things... less drama!
Empathy
They react when you tell them things rather than just wait until they can talk again. You feel comfortable sharing information because they're non judgmental and don't tend to gossip.

I guess true popularity has nothing whatsoever to do with how people look, their job, how much they earn, how nice their house is etc.

Unfortunately I think these people are few and far between these days. How good are you at giving someone your full attention (not interrupting etc) especially if they are talking about something you have absolutely zero interest in?

My friend at work is a volunteer for the Lifeline call centre and told me that many people call who are simply lonely and need someone to listen. Notice I said ‘listen’ not ‘talk to’. Part of the training to do this role is that the volunteer is not allowed to give any advice. Think about how difficult that would be at first! It is with the best intentions usually that we jump in with our advice and opinions on other people’s situations when all they really need is an ear.

I'm not saying that I am going to try to be all things to all people or please everyone all of the time because that's simply not possible or healthy! I just think if you’d like to be more popular, it helps to start paying attention to other people and stop trying to impress them. I’ve realized that the only person I need to impress is myself.

No sharing allowed

2009-11-27T10:32:00.003+10:00

Its official, we don't like to share (food). I think this is very close to the 'clean plate' rule in that we like to know what we're eating, how much and we're going to enjoy every last bite.

Despite obvious evidence to the contrary, I think we are hardwired to believe that food is scarce so often we fear not getting enough to eat, we fear hunger and we fear missing out! If I get anxious about this sort of stuff or I get the urge to continue eating after finishing a meal, I'll often remind myself that I can always get more food if I want it however, my next meal is never far away!

Growing up at my house, I remember that whenever one person had something they HAD to offer it around to everyone else first before they ate it. So if you could had a chocolate bar (which wasn't often), you'd reluctantly offer it around to everyone "for a bite" and hope that you get at least 50% back. I only have one sibling so often it was also the case that we'd only get one item and have to cut it in half. Seems fair doesn't it? But if you think back it never was, especially if you were the younger sibling! Its so funny to think about what a big deal this was as a kid!

I totally get that parents need to teach their children how to share but you don't really get that warm fuzzy feel good feeling after sharing when you are forced to! I've heard of some families that buy their kids one each of everything from computers to the same exact toy that they'll be bored with in one week anyway, to avoid the fights over having to share. Incidentally, I heard the other day that the 'cost of raising a child' has been reestimated as one million dollars (!!) and that this is largely to do with all the new technology available - craziness!

So I guess the 50/50 rule works sometimes but not so well in other circumstances. I definately think that food is one that should be an exception to the 'must share' rule sometimes....

Ps how cool is my picture today?

Are you going to finish that?

2009-11-25T08:34:00.003+10:00

I've been thinking about little habits/behaviours we develop in relation to food. I'm one of those people whose parents made them eat everything on their plate as a child, ah we can blame childhood for so much can't we? Yes the whole nine yards, "you'll sit there until you eat that" mexican standoff that is so much fun for all involved. I even still associate the music of the 6pm news with dinner time - seriously, I'd hear that music and dread the battle of wills that would come!

Now, as an adult I rarely leave anything on my plate. I'm not very good at listening to 'hunger cues' to know when I'm satisfied, I just keep going until its all gone! I think 'dieting' both helps and hinders the situation. When I follow a meal plan I know exactly what portions I should be having, hence I'm not only entitled to eat the whole thing - I probably should or else I'd be undereating. I suppose now I manage the situation by continuing to 'volumise' my meals with fibrous vegetables. I put on my plate what I intend to eat and don't go back for more. You can see how this works at home but not so well at buffets...

I don't like to share either (lol). When I go out to dinner with my friends they often only want to order a couple of meals (less than one each) and just share them and I just don't understand that! Unless its tapas or that kind of menu.. I suppose if you're really not that hungry it might be a good way to save money and not waste food? I like to know that what is on the plate is mine and I can take my time eating it... maybe I'm afraid of not getting enough or missing out? I'm pretty sure this stems from childhood as well... Do any of you find yourselves eating too quickly for this reason?

I'm sure everyone has their own little habits with eating. What are yours?

Working with food rather than against it

2009-11-20T11:39:00.005+10:00

For my own benefit really, I want to recap some ideas because I tend to write as I think and therefore am not as concise as I would like to be!

(I know how to diet when i need to)

1. I love food- who doesn't? I love fresh healthy unprocessed foods and the way they make me feel. I also love the taste of a lot of processed, high fat/high sugar foods. I love to cook, watch cooking shows, read and talk about food. I am a foodie!
2. I am also an athlete who loves to train.
3. My food choices are consistent with my current goals, therefore:
a) I make wise choices about how much and how often I eat high sugar/high fat foods.
b) If I want to lose fat or am preparing for a comp, I am comfortable with ‘being on a diet’ for that purpose and only eat what is on my plan. Not to fear, the plan is usually pretty flexible and generous to begin with anyway! Key points re dieting = never hungry, never deprived.
4. I am liking the approach of balancing my intake between “functional fuel and purely for taste”. Patent pending! I aim high for functional eating – 80-90%?
5. I probably wouldn’t touch the term ‘intuitive eating’ because my intuition might lure me into a sugar coma. My 90% goal would suffer.
6. Not only that but my portion sizes would be immense! Too much fuel can make you fat too you know :S
7. Learning to cook and making “functional fuel” (aka healthy food) taste great is worth it, given I'm eating it most of the time.
8. Lovely fresh ingredients don’t need that much help anyway- hello garlic! During prep I didn’t eat one thing I didn’t enjoy the taste of.

I also want to convey that although my posts tend to come across as advice (lectures?) I’m really just reflecting on my own thoughts/what is or isn’t working for me etc. I like to think that there’s people reading who might be able to relate or benefit from some of my ideas.

Intentional Chocolate

2009-11-18T09:52:00.002+10:00

Chocolate doesn’t really even rate highly on my list of foods I crave but I love today’s title, borrowed from katheats.com. Yes, my current strategy involves intentionally eating all of the things I love, balanced by portion control and keeping up my training. Basically I like to see what I can get away with food-wise, lol! Keeps that metabolism cranking!

Katheats.com is one of the few ‘foodies’ blogs I like to read (I’d read more if I were allowed to surf the net all day). We share a love of thinking of all the yummy things we love and trying to eat them all at the same time…. For example I’ve gotten a lot of fabulously naughty ideas to make a bowl of oats for breakfast more like dessert… Kath is a runner so I guess can afford to ‘carb up’ a lot more than me (so lazy!) so my compromise is to choose one or two things to add to my oats each day to make life just that little bit sweeter. This morning I had 50g mango through my oats.. yum!

I think the ultimate goal for emotional eaters is to feel in control of your eating habits and enjoy food.

What about if you want to or like being all ‘hardcore’ and are genuinely happy to only ever eat food as fuel? Wow well if that’s true then good for you and I’m a little jealous of your six-pack right now! Although just quietly I am wondering what planet you are from and whether you have ever tasted hot chips with garlic aioli or baked cheesecake… haha. (Talk about “sometimes foods”!)

In the past I have wanted to achieve this and used to think that to truly consider myself an athlete, I had to be disciplined enough to eat ‘functionally’ 24/7. To be honest, I used to think that anyone who preached using a balanced approach was ‘soft’ and just wanting to justify eating crap….! At the end of the day you can tell a lot more about a person by what they DO not what they SAY.

For most of us, there’s a little struggle going on in your mind where some days you just want to be able to eat whatever you want but on other more motivated days, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to be lean as…. I’m about 80% fuel and 20% taste right now and am using a bit of common sense in planning my meals to balance these conflicting extremes and keep all the voices in my head happy …(!)

Using my list of foods from yesterday, I have a good idea of how often I should be eating each item and what is a reasonable portion for me – this is something we all have to consider for ourselves based on your foods, activity level and current goals (usually losing/maintaining fat and gaining lean muscle mass). It also depends on how disciplined you’re willing to be. There’s no point saying you want to have abs year-around but also want to eat chocolate everyday. Basically, you need to align your eating/exercise habits with your goal and keep it realistic. Break out of the cycle of setting unachievable goals and feeling like a failure because you can’t keep up with what it takes to get there.

As for these foods triggering overeating, I guess that’s a risk you have to manage by not eating when you’re upset and staying focused. But if you know you can have x food again tomorrow or later in the week then that makes it a lot easier to stop. I’ve been on some mad binges in my time. If I’m feeling that behavior coming on, I ask myself “you have to stop eating at some point – do you want to feel good about it or … gross?”

Its worth thinking about …. Personally, if I tell myself I can’t have a particular food for longer than say, a week - then I consider myself to be on a diet. I don’t want to be on a diet 365 days a year, do you? It’ll make comp dieting easier, I promise!

Too much of a good thing?

2009-11-17T16:09:00.003+10:00

Hannie’s done a great post on what she’s been craving lately and possibly considers to be her ‘trigger’ foods. No its not oily greasy chips and KFC, its things like – bananas, peanut butter, natural yoghurt! I think a lot of us could relate to it, with the exception of the ricecakes (bleghh!) I could have written a very similar list. Just for fun, here is mine in no particular order:

Bananas, peanut butter, natural yoghurt, dried fruit such as dates and apricots, heavy grain/seed bread, plain oats, granola, fruit scones, banana bread, cheese, sushi, dark chocolate with nuts.

We all LOVE food. We understand that there are a lot of clean foods that taste great AND make us feel good. In the right quantities, many of the above things that I crave can form part of any healthy meal plan … But that’s the issue – can you stop at ‘the right quantity’ or ‘in moderation’? It always comes back to good old portion control!

When it comes to clean foods emotional eating may not play as great a part in controlling portion sizes (unless perhaps if you’ve placed yourself on a restrictive diet). However, because most of the items are (sweet) fast acting sources of carbohydrate we also have the body’s physiological responses to contend with. We get an insulin rush then drop AND a nice release of happy chemicals from the brain and can end up overeating. Cheese is slightly different but apparently releases a similar chemical in the brain found to be released in the brains of heavy drug users… addictive much? Unfortunately it is possible to have too much a good thing.

So what is the solution for you? To eliminate these foods? Completely or just for a while?
Don’t eliminate them but keep them out of the house? Or … purposely incorporate them into your meal plan?

I’ll let you know what my current strategy is and how its going so far in part 2

xx

I'm on the seafood diet

2009-11-12T14:50:00.002+10:00

I ‘see food’ and eat it, lol- I never get tired of that joke. But seriously, I was really excited about my lunch today….

On the weekend I went down to Southport on the gold coast to visit my mum. Having not seen her in about three years I didn’t know what to expect but this post is going to focus on what I think was the highlight of the trip – we had an amazing seafood lunch at Georges Restaurant, next to Australia Fair shopping centre.

As you know when it comes to seafood only the best (freshest) will do – luckily George’s menu is half price at lunch time J We all chose a mixed appetiser that had 2 oysters, 2 king prawns, a bug and smoked salmon with capers on salad with avocado, seafood sauce, fresh lemon wedges and fruit garnish. Plenty of food leaving us feeling satisfied and fantastic rather than full and sluggish!
So for today’s lunch I treated myself by replicating part of the meal - smoked salmon on salad with avocado, capers and fresh lemon juice. I tried making my own figure friendly seafood sauce too by mixing together equal parts of low fat mayonnaise with low sugar tomato sauce.. clever aren’t I? hehe.

I am loving my food at the moment and the increased energy I have for training. After going through a little bit of a struggle patch recently I worked out that if I could make small increases of healthy things that I love on a daily basis eg oats, fruit, natural yoghurt etc I can shake this ‘on a diet’ feeling once and for all. This has been working really well and I’m not getting cravings for junk or the urge to binge. Keep asking yourself – how will food X make me feel compared to food Y? For example, I have been raving about that seafood at Georges all week and before I ordered it I was tempted by the lasagne on the menu (you know its my favourite!) The main reason I went with the seafood was that I knew it would be very high quality but by the end of the meal I felt so good that I knew I had learned a valuable lesson. I wish I was on the seafood diet, I would love to eat this stuff every day, wouldn't you!!? .... imagine it, living on a beautiful island - before long you'd be saying McWhat?!

I weigh myself once per week and this morning was sitting just over two kilos heavier than I was the week leading up to the show. 2kg of FAT mind you = looking and feeling a lot softer. I have been keeping training intense with the goal of gaining at least 2kg lean muscle mass by the time I’m ready to compete again (2kg heavier onstage). I’m estimating that if I keep working hard, this will take me about 2- 3 years. If anyone tells you that as a natural female you can gain muscle faster than this, I’m sorry but they’re having you on!

I’m also absolutely amazed at how much fluid I seem to hold. I look positively FLAT in the mornings before I’ve had a drink (and of course that’s when I weigh myself!) Ali told me that when we were dieting toward the end there I looked like I was dying first thing in the morning, haha! The positive side of that was that dehydrating for comp worked really well for me, our coach couldn’t believe the difference!

I’m getting more and more used to my new ‘offseason’ look and although I miss looking and feeling ‘hard’ I certainly cannot complain. I have been meaning to take a photo to post – can someone harass me if I don’t do this over the weekend please?

Get out of my way!!!

2009-11-06T09:19:00.002+10:00

Trying to get out of my own way really- yes, I'm talking to myself in the title! Thanks Jehanne for giving me a lil push to blog :)

I have been very up and down in terms of mood, which I'm really over! I'm sure its the hormone issues at play - wish I could just feel ... calm and on the level but I'm usually either pumped and full of positive energy or down in the grumpy dumps!

I still find it difficult to relax too, but am getting better. I've discussed 'anxiety' with a few people lately and its shockingly common these days, many people seem to struggle with it to some degree. You know that overwhelmed feeling? hate it. Sometimes your own head can be a scary place to be. Got it every now and then during comp prep which was to be expected I guess but its still popping up now. A good measure for me is whether or not my food prep and housework is getting done without me going totally nuts about it, lol!

So the goal of de-stressing continues! Especially not to stress or worry about things that are out of our control. During prep I worried far too much about what others thought about me and how what I was doing affected other people. There was nothing I could do about that and really, what others think of you is none of your business (unless they want to let you know). The advice I would give to others is:

Do NOT be apologetic or let anyone make you feel guilty for your decision to compete or live a healthier lifestyle. Be open, honest and polite about it but assert your right to choose what you put in your mouth and how you spend your time.

One qualification to that is please don't complain though either! You can't say your decision to compete is not affecting anyone else if you pick on them for their 'normal' eating habits/won't let them eat in front of you etc etc.

I was pretty happy with my focus during comp prep though while the daily monotony of routine and crazy business stressed me out at times I never worried about whether or not I'd actually get there. I never saw cheating or bailing as options. I know some people feel safer with an exit strategy but I think it just makes the daily motivation more difficult. It also makes it dangerous for excuses to emerge post comp about why you weren't in the best condition possible.

Do the work and everything else will take care of itself.

So although I'm not competing again in the near future, I feel I have learnt a lot that I could put to use next time and have identified lots of things to work on in the meantime.

Came across a great quote from Ronnie Coleman about competing that I thought I'd share, it was in a 2002 Flex mag i was reading on our treadmill this morning so at this point he had won Mr Olympia 4 times:

"Work hard, improve, stay calm and keep quiet. There's no reason to go around complaining and worrying about where you place. You've got to train as hard as you can and leave all that other stuff up to a higher power. Put in the work and everything will come out alright.

Look at me. I'm the best example of that!"

time to slow down

2009-10-27T12:45:00.003+10:00

I don’t know why but I’m just in the mood for some funny pictures today- tributes to the two best clean eating foods in my opinion! ;) The baby one is cute but grosses me out a little! haha, stole it from this awesome competitor's blog. I found the oatmeal one at this great foodie's blog. These are the only two blogs written by gals from the States that I regularly read- Ali and I love all things American, I highly recommend both!

I haven’t blogged in ages and everytime I get a good idea for a post I can’t get onto blogger dammit. Ah well so its just a random hello and ramble from me today J

Have just ticked over the four weeks post comp mark and have hit that point I’ve been waiting for where I (really) don’t want to get any softer :S Ali and I got our callipers in the mail and took our skin folds over 9 sites on Saturday and I was sitting at 53mm which I was pretty happy with. I said I would like to ideally maintain in the 50-60 range. Even though I’m feeling quite soft and missing the super lean “only near comp look” I remember when I got down in this range during prep and I started to really like how I was looking in clothes etc … for the first time in my life! The other night when we went to bed I was lying on my side and I said to Ali, wow I feel so much more comfortable in bed than I have in ages…. Yay for seeing all the upsides of extra padding- Lol!

Still doing a realistic amount of cardio most mornings which I really enjoy now (…now that is optional?) I either get out for some fresh air or make good use of our treadmill + plasma + foxtel J I’ve become the hugest fan of cooking shows and watch lifestyle food a fair bit. I used to worry that I was ‘obsessed’ with food but I now think, if its something positive in your life that brings you joy, then who cares? Better than the love/hate relationship with food that I used to have!

So many questions but the same answers

2009-10-20T12:13:00.004+10:00

Photo courtesy of Dallas Olsen

If we know diets don’t work, why do we keep doing them?

Because we (particularly us girls) are very emotional creatures and I am yet to meet someone who doesn’t have some kind of emotional attachment to food/eating. That is, whether positive or negative emotions no one (in developed countries where food is freely available) eats purely for fuel/survival 100% of the time.

We’re also really, really impatient :P I remembering feeling overweight and uncomfortable and getting to the point where I would think “I just want this weight off NOW” which led to, thoughts such as ‘well what can I do to jumpstart this weight loss?’…. ‘I know, I won’t eat much this week and do heaps of cardio!” Does this sound familiar?

It seems that these days whenever someone (having noticed my weight loss) engages me in conversation about what I'm eating or asks me for some advice, I’m bound to hear similar things:

Firstly, the question – “what exactly do you eat in a day”? (Or, they might say “tell me what to eat”).

PLEASE use some common sense. You know that you should eat more vegetables drink more water and eat crap less often - if you concentrated only on these you would probably do quite well! Don’t pretend that this is news to you or rocket science.

Sometimes I make the mistake of going into too much detail about my own eating habits eg, even as far as I eat six small meals a day, protein at each meal. Which leads me to my second pet peeve comment – “Oh I could never be that disciplined and/or I love food too much/ I go out too much” etc.

Somehow the notions of discipline, consistency, gradual weight loss and self-control don’t seem as attractive as saying that “I drank three chocolate milkshakes a day and the weight fell off in two weeks”. I could get very sarcastic here about how much I hate tasty food and love bland fish and broccoli but there’s really no need! As for discipline, its not like you either are or you aren’t- its a case of whether you are willing to keep at it. Do you want this badly enough? If so you will find a way, even if you do go out a lot. Its not any easier for me than it is for you. Right now I would really like to dive into a jar of peanut butter or walk outside my building and into any one of the dozens of fast food outlets that are within 50m… but I choose not to, LOL. Most people aren’t wiling to do what it takes to stay in good shape and that is fine, just don’t deny it!

Lastly, there always seems to be a deadline, 10-12 weeks at most to get in the best shape of your life. I know that it can be very motivating to be working toward a specific event and its conducive to setting goals to have timeframes, be accountable etc but how is that for pressure?! And the fact that it seems to imply that you only have to eat well up until this point.. what then? Temporary changes = temporary results!

Yes, you need to have a rough plan of what you’ll eat in a typical day, be prepared and keep an eye on the amount of dining out/extras that creep in. But you don’t need to count calories and get all obsessive about everything. This just leads to a sense of failure as soon as you don’t comply with your own rules.

So when people wanting to lose weight yesterday are very interested in my calorie input, macronutrient split or how much cardio I do, I would rather advise them:

Don’t start any more diets or 12 week challenges

Don’t ask someone else what they eat and try to copy it - trying to change too many things at once doesn’t work.

Create a logical plan that reforms eating behaviours sensibly and progressively over time. Start with breakfast!

Get support/help with planning meals, staying accountable- whatever you require.

Be as positive as you can and accept that you are in this for the long haul!

Embracing the pale soft skin

2009-10-18T09:30:00.003+10:00

and trying not to hate it!! haha. let's face it, its difficult to go from seeing your dark, rock hard physique on comp day and knowing how hard it was to get, to watching it slowly fade... at least it has been slow otherwise I can't imagine how I would feel! I feel like going to get a spray tan to wake up and see it really aint all that bad haha. I've been trying my best to put the brakes on gaining this weight which I know is necessary to get back up to a healthy offseason size. I've fallen down a few times now but refuse to feel guilty because I'm not on a diet and guilt/beating yourself up just starts that 'all or nothing' cycle of binging that I refuse to return to.

As you can see, Ali and I received our professional pics from genius photographer Dallas Olsen- this is my favourite one :) They were taken 4 weeks out from comp so while I probably wouldn't be able to maintain this condition, getting these really boosted my motivation to lead a healthy 'offseason' lifestyle and stay relatively lean because of it. Will share more next time.

I am enjoying clean healthy foods that were eliminated from comp prep diet! Hell, yesterday I had sushi for morning tea and tandoori chicken for dinner! yummo! I love it that I actually prefer the healthiest choices from any takeaway place. It's the portion size that I have to watch! lol. I can use Ali as a guide there and depending what it is, I'll have 1/3 to 2/3 what he eats- how unfair is that! Eg with sushi rolls, he had 5, I had 3. We got a whole tandoori bird, I had 1/3 he had 2/3. I only had half a portion of rice and bulked up the rest of the meal with vegies :)

A friend asked me yesterday how many carbs I have in my post workout meal... I don't know! I could jump on calorieking program we bought recently to find out but I've let go of analysing numbers to that degree. Thanks to the program I know roughly what calories I want to average to maintain a certain weight and make sure the macro split is appropriate but other than that I know what is a reasonable portion of a certain food for me now.

Training is going very well! I usually train on my own but recently found a new training partner who happens to be a glamour model and is competing in the miss indy comp from this weekend! (it changed names but i can't remember the new one, Supa GP something or other??) Now I have absolutely no idea about these kind of comps but she was showing me the 10 day schedule and let me tell you these girls work hard! every single day there are appearances, photoshoots etc from 6am-8pm or later at night. There is probably a lot of divas but most girls work very hard and are quite career focussed- I think they should be paid!! While I would not compete myself I learnt a good lesson in not judging something you really don't know a lot about.

Hope you're having a great sunday and enjoying life! x

Since comp!

2009-10-11T19:01:00.004+10:00

Hehe the first pic here makes me laugh, it was taken the day after the comp and yes Im eating broccoli! Ali and I came home that night and spent about an hour in the shower scrubbing ourselves and eachother so I was left with a decent tan for a little while compared to my natural white-ness!

After the show we went out in search of a meal with both sides of our family; I had planned on getting a Big Chief burger but it was 8:30pm and they had just closed... no matter, (I would have thought I'd freak out!) we all ended up getting a katsu curry (Japanese chicken curry) from the place next door. The flavour was intense! Even the cokezero we shared with it tasted so STRONG having not had that for a while.

The next day I thought I would have liked to go out for brekkie, my favourite meal of the day, but I felt like oats! Ah, there's just nothing better is there? no wonder we all love them! Had some family members back over for lunch which I was saving my appetite for- we wanted a no fuss banquet so enjoyed hot bbq chickens on crusty breadrolls with heaps of salads and I was in my element as 'condiment queen' blissfully using tomato sauce/dressings as I pleased! haha, simple pleasures. I made dessert- chocolate pizzas with a scoop of icecream on top! I filled up suprisingly fast!

Ate clean during the week and then last weekend enjoyed another meal out when I went with my sister to Draculas to celebrate her bday. It was SO nice to be able to go down to surfers paradise and stay the night! I still took quite a few meals with me and still got up and went for a walk the next morning but just to know that its OK if you go for longer than a few hours without eating, or if I didn't end up eating all that I had brought the world wouldn't end!! you know? pressure is off! I am eating well and training now because I love it and it makes me feel good!!! Have cut weight training back to a 4 day split and cut cardio in half which feels like a breeze now!! Overall, dieting for comp has really made us appreciate so many simple pleasures such as sleeping in, free time etc etc far more.

I've had some really difficult days too (re food)- sometimes it is very tempting to just go nuts. I get this especially after having a bit of a treat, I get that old 'all or nothing' thinking trying to reemerge and turn a treat into a binge. A couple of times I have gone a little overboard but how I am handling this now is so different than I would have in the past. I refuse to feel so guilty and 'punish' myself by restricting my food for the rest of the day or the next day for example, or try to exercise it away. Nope, I just jump straight back on track with the next meal and eat a truckload of vegies!

The second pic of me above was taken at about 6 weeks out from comp and is my profile pic in an article of the current issue of Oxygen! If you have the magazine, check out the training article on building a great butt- I don't think I have ever gotten training ideas from a mag before but I decided to try something new and so far have done the squat and lunge routines with the varied foot placements/stances AND I have done the 'hills' (incline) treadmill workout.... ouch!!

Beautiful Deb competed today in the WNBF- I am still hanging out for news!! better go and check facebook.. :)

Introducing Michelle

2009-10-06T21:25:00.002+10:00

I’d like you to meet my friend Michelle who has just begun a new blog in relation to her fitness goals, please click on this paragraph to head over and make her feel welcome to blogland! J

Even though we go to the same gym here in Brisbane, I only met Michelle a couple of months ago, when she was about 6 weeks out from the INBA state show and I about 8 weeks out from the ANB state show. How glad am I that I happened to comment on her jacket and introduce myself in the locker room, we immediately became friends and were able to support eachother through furious text messages of encouragement the rest of the way to our respective shows J

Best of luck to you in your journey and I hope you find as much support and friendship through blogging as I have been blessed to receive. My best advice is to be kind to yourself, always find a way rather than an excuse and of course to never give up on your dreams!

"Offseason" Goals

2009-10-04T18:04:00.002+10:00

I like having goals, whether they are short, medium or long term- I like knowing where I want to go in certain areas of my life and not feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. I don't put a lot of pressure on myself, I go at my own pace etc but when I achieve something I have been working toward for a awhile- it feels amazing! I like to live with purpose, to feel like my contributions to work, training, eating well etc each day are all adding up to better health, lifestyle and a happier me! No need to question yourself, no need to overthink or overanalyse.

People have been asking us when we intend to compete again and of course whether we will be at the ANB Nationals comp in Sydney, having both qualified. I'm happy to say that even though we decided against competing in a way due to financial reasons, we are both satisfied with our achievement to date and don't feel as though we are missing out on anything.

Rather, we are excited about training again and of course, growing bigger and denser muscles!! To me, I would be disappointed to compete regularly only to present a similar physique. I am also happy to say that Im at a point with my eating habits that I know longer fear 'blowing out' and the need to continually be dieting. Do not get me wrong it has not been easy but so far I have been rather sensible with my eats post comp and am on my way to slowly gaining about 4-5kg to maintain over the weight I competed at. Coach told me that if I continue to eat 'functionally' that this would occur in a controlled manner. Have felt (brain trying to justify) that perhaps Im being a little strict on myself at times however, as the comp tan faded away along with my conditioning and I become 'softer', pacing myself with meals out and treats has made coping so much easier than throwing all my good habits in and feeling disgusting- not worth it! So thats it, I might have a list in my brain of things im dying to try, places I want to visit I just have to be patient and spread them out, with heaps of clean eats and hard training imbetween. Ahh, have finally learned balance :)

I am in no hurry and am focussed in on areas on my physique that I know I would like to improve. Looking back over my pics, I was quite happy with my back and shoulders. In addition to a general goal of greater overall thickness and muscle size I would particularly like to prioritise my glutes and abs. Abs in particular were my weakest pose- I did my best to hide this by favouring my obliques pose (see pic). Having more lean muscle next time I compete will also allow me to come in with lower skinfold measurements (without looking like I may break!)

I don't think Loretta would mind me using her as a little motivating comparison for myself through the pics above, she inspired me! I know she has quite a few more years of training up her sleeve so I am patient, dedicated to training for the long term and excited about the improvements the future holds for me!

Show Day - Finals

2009-10-02T14:55:00.007+10:00

Now where did I leave us? Oh yes, the wait for the finals (routine + awards presentation) due to the 2 show format! Of course Ali and I were both wondering how we went but the hardest part about the big break between shows was continuing to hold out on water! Not so much the food, although the chips with gravy at the RSL did smell pretty good! We took the opportunity to relax with family and catchup with Ali’s friends who had kindly come to the show to support him.

I am not all that competitive by nature and certainly never went into this journey with any expectations (other than to be my best) but the callouts in the pre-judging had put the hope in my mind of a placing.... top 5 would qualify for Nationals but I was daring to dream of top 3. I knew how important it is with a two show format not to let your conditioning go imbetween shows and not to allow anything that has already occurred to affect your efforts for your second round onstage as the judges may not have cemented their decisions. I also think it’s a little unprofessional to guts it imbetween shows and turn up with a bloated belly onstage- I didn’t even think of this but apparently it happens?

So it was at this point I started to get a little nervous about my routine…! Especially after forgetting to move my hair in pre-judging I knew it should be up for the routine. I didn’t have a nice hair clip to use unfortunately but made do with a side ponytail! I didn’t mind it with the fringe so left it like this for the awards/posedown just for a change. Jon’s other figure novice competitor Loretta (dark hair, burgendy suit) and I took turns practicing our routines in the limited space we had backstage. We pumped up together and were instructed what to eat and when to try to bring out pump and vascularity. Loretta was so generous, she kindly shared her resistance bands (mine were too strong!) and supplies including Lindt chocolate with me!

Waiting backstage with the other girls to do the routines was a fun atmosphere. I went on third, just after Kristin whom I watched from stage right wing and (not so silently) cheered on! Seeing her having so much fun out there to an uptempo song helped calm my nerves and replace them with excitement for my turn. I had chosen Lady Gaga- Paparazzi for the 60 second posing solo and was very concerned about missing the fast moves at the beginning! I did make a couple of mistakes but improvised a little, covered them well and had heaps of fun! Robert Powell even said at the end of my routine that I had great presentation, wow! So after months of angst about it I’m glad the ANB requires routines and that I got to do a one afterall.

After going backstage, putting the stripper heels on again and the rest of the routines ran through we all filed back out onstage in a long line up once more. The announcement was that if you’re number was called, to please move toward the back of the stage…. Mine was called first…(family told me they were nervously wondering at the time whether or not this was a good sign!?) followed by four other numbers. We were the top 5 competitors in the class, I acknowledged and congratulated all the other girls as they left the stage. 5th place was announced … followed by 4th and these girls were presented with their trophies. All that was going through my head was my number #48 and knowing that the longer I didn’t hear it, the better- haha! So When it was announced that I had won third place, for one split second I thought ‘damn’, but then it caught up with me and I realised wait, I came THIRD in this impressive lineup? Awesome!!

Second placegetter (blonde hair, blue suit) had the most amazing set of legs and shoulders- I watched her win her novice tall class at the INBA comp the week previous to ours. Which made Loretta the winner- I couldn’t have been happier for her- in the few short days we had known eachother we had really come through a lot! She looked even harder and more vascular when she got onstage for the overalls and took that out too, Amazing achievement!

When Ali’s class came back onstage I honestly had no doubt in my mind that he would be the winner. I had to be careful so many times during our prep not to put too much pressure on him by always saying that he was bound to do well as a novice with his years of hard training, commitment and potential. He had been thinking of competing for the last couple of years and Im so happy that we experienced the journey as novices together and that I was there to see my champion take it out! Although the poor fella then had to hold on a bit longer to compete in the overalls for which he was also a strong contender. We were both so exhausted by this stage and when he came offstage I had his water and electrolytes ready to go for him- after a big kiss of course! ;)

Next issue- after the comp! (duh!) including what I ate post the show and have up to since!

Show Day- Prejudging

2009-09-29T17:07:00.009+10:00

So following quite a stressful few days, on
Saturday morning everything seemed to fall into place. We had a good night's sleep and woke up early to an interesting dry breakfast and continuing the carb up. I thought I'd wake up with one hell of a dry mouth however, the water deplete was not too bad other than swallowing some large tablets dry. Was instructed for the next meal to have some steak, potatoes and peanut butter which was by far the best comp prep meal ever! Although I had to shove it in my mouth while Ali's mum was doing my makeup! Ali was such a sweetheart and cooked this for me as he was ready earlier (bit simpler for guys!) and as we were both covered in dream tan by this stage and were getting ready at Jon's house, he was chopping and microwaving and moving around with a teatowel in check wiping up his fingerprints :S

The aim was to be ready to rock and roll by 9am- super organised. So we arrived at the RSL and met my family who were already there- Dad was super paranoid about getting there early before tickets sold out (aww!) and I warned them, this is going to be a long day! The pre-judging began and seemed to be moving through quite quickly so we gathered our bags and found a spot backstage to get ready, again with plenty of time. Loretta and I were set up with male competitors and actually didn't see any other figure girls before it was stage time! I think this really helped in terms of not getting nervous- I had no idea who or how many other competitors were in our lineup until we were there! We carbed up some more, had our tans touched up until perfect and pumped up with bands- I didn't seem to get a good pump really but didn't worry. I was in a great mood, nothing was bothering me!

Carried our shoes out and behind the stage where I met up with Kristin, marvelled again at her height in our perspex heels and we wished eachother all the best before heading out into the lights! I was really happy the two of us got to go out next to eachother, another familiar face was welcome in facing the judges and the crowd!

Made my first mistake when turning to do a rear double bicep pose, I actually forgot to move my hair- didn't we practice that?? lol. So I was sooo relieved when I got a call out into what later became the top 6 competitors, and got a second chance to redeem myself. Everything else that I had feared would be happening- eg extreme nerves, lack of mental clarity, dehydration, shaking etc did not eventuate, I still cannot quite believe how calm I was which was great as I was able to soak it all in. I smiled at and directed my posing toward the judges as planned, waved to the crowd and smiled at my family who were madly taking photos :) While I was in the backline (not tensing enough while in the relaxed pose haha) I ran my eyes over the other girls, didn't count them but was really impressed with the physiques I was seeing, these girls looked beautiful - I was so proud to be among them!

The judges moved us around a little onstage and the last thing they requested us to do was to show them the lower body only, flexing one leg at a time which I thought was a little strange- perhaps they were using this to help split us! Excitement built at that thought because I allowed myself to wonder, am I in contention for a placing here?

Ali's class was following intermission and he was in a lineup of 5. Again the standard for amateur novice competitors seemed extremely high! Ali was the only one in coloured (blue) trunks and to me (totally biased anyway) he really stood out with his presentation, posing, smiling face (amongst a lot of seriousness!) and by far the best hammies and glutes onstage :)

We were beaming and congratulating eachother and other competitors when we were done and went to enjoy a second round of steak and potatoes from the restaurant downstairs to begin the wait for the next show....

Leadup to the comp

2009-09-28T17:37:00.004+10:00

Pics: me in coach Jon's office after first coat of contest colour, our approved water for loading, comp prep supplies!

Ali and I are still on quite a high from Saturday evening :) we expected to be quite tired the next day but instead woke up early with the most amazing sense of freedom!! It was like a cloud had been lifted, suddenly we are able to relax, take our time doing things and let the stress levels come back down!

This is because the final two weeks of comp prep were TOUGH. Got through depletion alright, and had been looking forward to loading- carbs at every meal! I was surprised though being so hungry for each meal which is what happens when you up your carbs and down other macros- digest quicker!

Everything in the 'peak week' must be done with utter precision, think you were being anal before? (lol!) welcome to a whole new level! The water and sodium load/deplete seemed to get me in particular. The day before comp, I had a water quota I had to fill before a certain time in the day and boy did I struggle. I literally sat on the couch in jon's house for a couple of hours forcing it in while staring at the walls. I felt nausiated and dizzy. This is going to sound stupid (and nerdy) but just picture Dumbledore drinking from the pensieve! (6th book in the Harry Potter series). Ali was doing better than me at this time so picked up the slack and ran around organising things for us on his own for a couple of hours.

We had a whole list of things we needed to bring ready to eat the night before or morning of the show, just in case! this is such a science! I in particular was looking really flat after depletion, so my carbs just went up and up! it is all SO interesting- its not about your weight, calories any of that, its about what foods are going to act fast in your body to get the desired effect- dry and muscles that are pumped and pushing out against the skin.

I really enjoyed the presentation (beauty) aspect of competing and was actually glad when I decided to take a simpler approach to some things. We didn't start tanning until Friday morning so the only thing I got waxed was my upper lip (too much info? lol!) because I did not want the dark makeup to cling to any hairs there, shaved my bod including arms. I had my jewellery planned fairly early and was happy with the choice. When it came to hair and nails, I originally had big plans but ended up just relying on a good haircut and my trusty GHD. As for the nails, I had fakies on for the photoshoot but had not bothered to get them refilled so ended up just pulling them off and painting the nails myself. I thought this was more of a touch that would make me 'feel' glamorous' rather than contribute to the look onstage. Unfortunately cost was also very much a factor at the late stage, all this stuff adds up!

Which brings me to the tan- expensive, messy and quite difficult to get right! We had underestimated how much contest colour we would need for the two of us and had to buy additional bottles as we went along. Even though Ali is twice my size I was the culprit in using it up- as coats were sprayed on and attempted to dry we found that the natural oils in my skin instantly rejected the product and it gathered on my skin in patches which was quite frustrating! Luckily Dream Tan is such a great product for darkening and evening out the final colour, it was slapped on nice and early and touched up right before going on stage. It was all worth it as I was so happy with the final result and agree how important a good tan is to overall presentation.

Friday night we had anticipated getting very little sleep but we were so exhausted that we ate all our night meals quite closely together just so we could get to bed in an attempt to get as much shut eye as possible, managed a solid 7 hours which was so great for getting us through the big day Saturday!

So after about 14 months total preparation including 20 weeks on a comp prep diet we were finally ready to compete. Next post will be all about how the day unfolded, according to me! :)

Next post will be all about how Saturday unfolded.

WE DID IT!!!

2009-09-27T00:00:00.008+10:00

Steph: 3rd place Figure Novice

Ali: 1st place Mens Novice

!!!!

To Right: Mens lineup

Below:

Top 5 out of 13 girls

l-R 5th, 4th, 1st, 3rd, 2nd

Stoked with my result and proud of my baby!!

Will post more details and pics v soon but for now need some sleep! :) Thanks for all your support xx

Got my kini!!

2009-09-24T14:05:00.003+10:00

and.... I LOVE IT! of course ;) Another Style on Stage masterpiece, now just hope my physique does it justice.

2 sleeps to go. Depleting went well, so well I was so tired and flat last night at coaches' that my carbs got bumped up for loading time- nice! What I'll eat on the morning of the show depends of course on how I'm looking. Another reason I'm glad we have someone looking out for us there.

have about a million things to do today while constantly eating/drinking, we are staying in Southport overnight with Ali's family before the show and have to leave home super early in the morning!

I am to-ing and fro-ing between excited and nervous- if I remember its a competition the nerves kick in straight away so that thought is banished. Just hope everyone backstage prior plays nice! (worrywart, aren't i? lol)

SO this is likely to be my last post in relation to my 'journey to the stage'.. Thanks so much for reading and I will be back asap to post pics and a report of how the day panned out. Listening to stories from last weekend taught me that no matter how prepared you think you are, its going to be an interesting day!

See you on the other side!

..woohoo!

Congrats to INBA competitors

2009-09-21T13:47:00.004+10:00

What a great show! Big congrats to my good friend Hanna for placing third in the novice figure short class; having kept in contact with her during our prep I know just how hard this girl worked and getting to see her overcome nerves and pose so gracefully onstage was fabulous. My throat was a lil hoarse from the yelling, hehe!

I also got to meet the lovely bloggers Kristin (pic above) and Tiarna for the first time, who competed in the novice tall class and was lucky to get a quick hello with Tara by chance (outside ladies loos of course heehee!) who competed in open figure. All amazing, beautiful girls who really stood out onstage :)

At first watching the show gave me butterflies thinking about mine on Saturday but as the day went on I got more and more excited about it. I wish I had my bikini cos at the moment its impossible to even picture myself up there but I understand how busy poor Jo is!

Saw coach this morning and got great news- dropped 3ml this week and half of that was from my quad at last! My triceps were STILL unchanged and are only 0.5ml off what my quad is... which just boggles the mind! strangely though i don't mind my tricep pose, so remembering they are only numbers at the end of the day!

Got my deplete/load plan and all the info for the days leading up to saturday, not too scary at all but bring on carb up thats for sure!

Looking back I could not have worked any harder so I am happy, coach is happy.... Finally feel ready :)

1 week out

2009-09-19T09:37:00.003+10:00

Ahhh starting to relax now that I have completed my last day of work pre- comp; going to take a couple of days after next weekend off too to recover.. and scrub off the tan as best I can! The mild in comparison spray tans we got 3 weeks ago for our photoshoot stuck like glue to me and my dry skin! :S I have been scrubbing and moisturising like a good girl religiously, since.

I think the pain of this week's diet is finally starting to pay off, feeling leaner this week so hopefully a good result when we see coach again on Monday. Then its a case of the final drop in skinfolds due to the water deplete which for us girls esp I think can be quite significant!

I am so excited about heading to Chandler tomorrow morning to see the INBA show. I'll be looking out for friends and bloggers Hanna, Kristin, Tiarna as well as my friend from CBJ's Renee, in the novice class as well as Tara and another friend from gym, Michelle in either tall or open classes... (not sure which but Im sure I won't miss it!)

I am hoping to see a fantastic turnout and a lot of support, encouragement and fun going on up there on stage- work it girls! Be confident, stay switched on, work hard but make it look easy ;) Can someone please give me this same advice next weekend? Thanks x

7 sleeps

2009-09-18T15:05:00.002+10:00

Lord give me strength!

This week’s meal plan has been TOUGH, full of ups and downs and having to take each day (hour, meal, training session) as it comes. I did get my small serve of oats back for brekkie (thank goodness- I almost go into zen like state when I eat them) however the fun certainly ends there each day L I am counting down not only to the show next Saturday but to the day next when I get to start carbing up!

I’m grateful that I don’t have to endure this ‘final stretch’ of the diet any longer than I do because ive been wondering at what point of this diet would I really start overthinking/dreaming/becoming a little obsessed with food eg what I’m going to ho into next Saturday night and Sunday after the show! All in all, I am happy with the decision not to come in any leaner than I will be especially for my first show, as I may have just traded my marbles for a few more ml! :S

These thoughts can be a little frightening, especially when they come out of nowhere but its not at all surprising when the diet is this restrictive and unbalanced. Its interesting when you think about it, my head is longing for foods that will give me the quick fix and rush of a happy hormones release (serotonin, dopamine etc) which happen to be simple carbs (SUGAR) and fat whereas, I know that more importantly, my body is crying out for healthy fats and lower GI carbs. When I look in the mirror and wistfully think I could maintain this shape I stop and think of these physical symptoms- My memory and concentration are poor, skin and hair are dry, joints are clicking, cracks in my tongue etc etc. Not that I have been thinking this everyday of course, remember the mind plays tricks- I’ve lost 16kg all up and every second day is still a ‘fat day’ which can drive you nuts if you let it too.. Glamorous hey?

Being very aware of my thoughts and feelings helps immensely. Understanding that they are stemming from a physical response to nutritional deficiency helps me observe my thoughts rather than let them take over.

So that’s my wrap up of what appears to be a ‘2 week out low’ I must endure before at just one week out I presume (hope) that BANG you turn another corner and there’s that light at the end of the tunnel. Cue nerves and excitement…. Right now is a perfect time to remind myself how much I have learned about self-discipline and restraint..

Day in the (current) life

2009-09-16T08:22:00.004+10:00

A (Working and Training) day in the life of Steph since about 4-6 weeks out

5:15-6:15 1 hour cardio on treadmill, usually pass the time with morning news programs and a magazine

6:15-7:15 madly get ready for work, prep and eat breakfast

7:15-8:30 commute to work, do makeup in the car!

8:30-4:30 work- I eat four meals during this time, space 1.5-3hrs apart. Drink about 4L of water, heaps of green tea and 1-2 black coffees.

4:30-5:30 leave work, commute to gym, take pre-workout supps and change

5:30-6:30 weights workout

6:30-6:50pm post weights cardio

6:50-7:20pm travel home.

7:20-9:20pm another mad rush to: shower, feed cats, cook dinner + 4 meals for next day and try to clean up. I usually have the meat pre cooked and frozen into portions however, like to cook the vegies fresh for each day- 300g x 4 = 1.2kg!

9:30pm try to be in bed by this time, otherwise risking insufficient sleep (already under ideal 8 hours) before arising to do it all again!

Repeat 4/5 weekdays + one training session on weekends.

Extra cardio on 2 non training days.

No time to scratch oneself, really! LOL. You can see how as fun and exciting as the process is, you have days where you are simply over the routine, the lack of time, pressure to go go go and the closer you get the harder it gets energy-wise. The successful competitors are those who can push through these times and not let anything (particularly themselves) compromise their conditioning in those final weeks.

I can also see how you get so over it all that as dedicated as one is to the fitness lifestyle, all the 'balls' could be dropped at once for a while post comp. While I fully intend to take some well deserved time off training to recover, I know I will need to stay active and keep eating a lot of clean food so as not to shock the bod into a violent reaction! Because this is one of the key things I have learnt- gradual changes. I did not begin this diet eating so much fish and broccoli and so little else, I wouldn't have lasted 2 weeks!

2 weeks out

2009-09-12T08:47:00.003+10:00

woo hoo! hit that 'over it' feeling this week, particularly since losing my beloved oats :( lol, this was the first change to the diet that made me feel just a little deprived, i got more carbs during the day but i don't care about that- oats were the nice sweet filling start to the day- you girls know what i mean! BUT its not for long and we do what it takes, don't we.

Got to nail that 'deprived' feeling on the head when i feel it though- that's what would get me into trouble post comp and make it harder to add things back in gradually. The more 'deprived' i feel, the more i can justify eating til the cows come home, lol! Im concentrating on how good it will be to have back the healthy items that were formerly on my plan-- adding fruit to my oats like the pic above should feel like total luxury!

Got a cardio session done at lunchtime walking through the botanical gardens yesterday- chatting with the lovely Hanni helped the time fly! Its so good whenever you have the chance to have a chat to a fellow competitor, you share ideas and encourage eachother but mostly just have a great vent! Being 1-2 weeks out at the moment as we are, its certainly a strange mix of being soo close yet so far!

Grocery shopping has certainly gotten easier the last few weeks! Ali and I tend to go on a Friday night (paaarty animals) to get it done when its quieter and more often than not because we're all out of food! I was just looking over our docket from last night's trip and for a bodybuilder and figure chick 2 weeks out from comp it included the following:

4 kg fish

3 kg chicken

~12kg broccoli

other vege eg green beans, celery, cauliflower, cucumbers, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, cabbage, fresh garlic & ginger

white potato and sweet potato

nuts

fruit

coffee

as many egg cartons as we think will fit in our fridge (dam woolies not stocking the whites atm!)

splenda

diet cordial for training, too much diet softdrink and diet jelly LOL!

Without fail we get the comments, 'wow you guys like broccoli don't you' etc- I have now limited my standard response to 'oh, you have no idea' with a nice smile... if its a customer they might even buy a bit more themselves, wondering if they're missing out on something.. haha!

My holy grail of weight loss

2009-09-10T14:37:00.005+10:00

“How do you eat so much and stay so skinny?”

LOL! Care to take a look at WHAT I’m eating right now and did you notice what I DIDN’T EAT at the morning tea earlier??

VEGGIES- learn to love em cos the metabolic effect (FIRE!!) and lack of energy density (calories) makes them worth their weight in gold! I thought I ate a reasonable amount before- some salad with lunch and vegies every night for dinner.. little did I know I could do a whole lot better haha.

It’s hard to rack up excess energy (calories) from whole, real, calorie-scarce foods. You can’t ‘accidentally’ overeat. Check this out, 200 calories worth of celery vs 200 calories worth of chocolate bar:

I know what I’d *rather* eat too, but that amount of chocolate wouldn’t touch the sides let alone keep me full for very long! Its got no nutritional value or functional purpose either so would purely be on top of my daily intake, that’s why it’s a ‘purely for taste food’ reserved for my cheat meals J

I’ve been on a meal plan for so long now that I can’t actually imagine eating what I would call a ‘meal’ WITHOUT consuming a huge bowl of the green stuff… seriously, even with my last two cheat meals (4 September and 19 July 09) I ate amongst *other things* a huge salad and/or plate of veggies. With my last choice of lasagna, I purposely stirfried up some zucchini, celery, carrot, tomatoes and red capsicum in order to pump up the size of the meal. Granted, I took advantage of the situation and added tomato sauce and grated cheese to them, I kid you not they tasted just as good as the main course! (I don’t think its all that ‘clever’ when people get their kids to eat veggies simply by hiding them in a pile of cheese!)

I have lost almost 16kg now and have rarely experienced hunger- I eat far too much volume for that! The ‘eat as much as you like’ advice re vegetables is a like a get out jail free card or safety net for me. I simply could not diet if there was any chance of being hungry too often or having to limit (to that degree) my exact food intake.

Do i get sick of them? not really, if you too its kind of too bad, they're non negotiable part of everyone's diet (or should be!) Rather, i get sick of not being able to eat other things, oh and preparing them!! (don't like frozen vege). I actually make an effort to eat even more than im supposed to to ensure that there’s limited chance of getting hungry… am I afraid of this experiencing this feeling? A little. Especially if we are out for the day, away from home etc. I realize I may be replacing one behaviour (overeating crap) with another (stuffing veggies in) but.. as far as the comp prep diet goes, its working well for now. I think post comp when my meal plan gets more flexible I would like to be comfortable with eating til satisfied rather than FULL. I anticipate that I won’t feel as anxious or the need to satisfy head hunger etc as much… that will be nice :)

Happy face to struggle street and back again

2009-09-09T09:30:00.003+10:00

only 16 days to go??!!! i cannot quite believe it!

Thought I’d better balance things out with another reality update- I was SOo hungry yesterday! My worst enemy is hunger and although some of it is ‘head hunger’ I hate the feeling of counting down to my next meal, stuffing in a huge volume of vegies and feeling the tummy ‘swell’ but not feel satisfied. Ah these are harder days but at least they’re infrequent- usually non training days where I have to spread the meals out a little more. I had also had a great back workout the night before (Mon) so I chose to believe that was making me hungrier and that it was all a good thing, lol.

The struggle got home when getting my cardio done, my tights were too hot, my legs were tired, hips tight and sore and the time just plain dragged! I had to use the advice to ‘just put one foot in front of the other’ quite literally! Stretching afterward felt great. See how there is a positive to every negative? You just have to find it!

Feeling fairly neutral so far today, I'm thinking its coffee time :) liquid gold!!! I am a proud addict and it is a lifesaver to dieters but I do stick to two cups per day- otherwise I'd probably be climbing the walls..

On a completely random tangent, I just read and worked out that Im currently eating double the chicken the average Australian eats per year… without even trying, I eat more than double the amount of fish per day right now than I do chicken.. lol! But seriously people, where’s the meat? Don’t you hate going out for meals and trying to find it in amongst all the rice/pasta etc? Well I used to, I order different things now!

YESSS!

2009-09-07T21:24:00.002+10:00

YES!!!!!!!!! *exhale*

I’ve got my supa happy excited face on today. In fact I’ve had rather a positive week! J Refused to get sidelined by any headgames re Friday night’s cheat meal (before OR after) despite the inevitable bloat the next day, lol! Saw coach this morning, had a good drop (even a little more off the quad!) and he said I looked close to being where I need to be onstage- cruising it in baby... I hope! No changes to food this week and no high intensity cardio- phew!

I was initially wanting to aim for lower skinfolds and would have had enough time to do it, however in honesty- do not have the muscle mass to carry it off L The thought has occurred to me from time to time that I should have waited and trained longer before deciding to compete but each time I remember that I am only competing against myself. Overall, I am happy and satisfied with the effort I have put into preparation so there will be no regrets on the day.

So if you are struggling with numbers etc remind yourself like I am that no one knows your weight, body fat, height etc any of that onstage- it is HOW YOU LOOK! (including how you pose and present yourself) Most of the hard work is done, we are nearly there so stop panicking and start getting excited!!

3 weeks out

2009-09-05T18:37:00.002+10:00

Hey there

Quick update- had the cheat meal last night! I kept forgetting about it all week but then come yesterday was really looking forward to what I had planned. Felt a little anxious before eating it wondering how I would go and I ate as slow as possible! The flavour of the lasagne and its cheese was explosive to my tastebuds! I went to a lot of trouble to get my favourite one from verve in the CBD as they make it with roast pumpkin- yummo! I also had dessert and a coffee and did have a little trouble stopping before I felt overfull but despite this, I am pleased to say I had absolutely no trouble returning to my planned eats today- in fact I enjoyed my fish even more! I cooked up a fresh batch of cod with fresh ginger, cumin, garlic and had it with my mashed cauliflower and greens, yum!

I'm glad we got the chance to have this meal because I see it as good practice for post comp. I'm very aware of all the horror binging stories that everyone seems to have gone through at least once post comp! In fact, I have come away from conversations with competitors that have left me wondering whether this rebound is inevitable.. i don't like that thought! I think it would be easy to get caught up in the excitement of post comp celebrations where everyone is encouraging eachother to .. gorge. And of course all your friends and family will want to have a meal out with you, not having been able to for so long! I'm just going to stay positive and pace myself as much as I can. I know that coach will have a plan in place for me and I've gotten used to doing as I'm told so we'll just see what happens- right now I'm looking forward to relaxation much more than any food!

Its been a really positive week for me and I've enjoyed training too. I even enjoyed my High intensity cardio session this morning, it felt good to push myself running intervals and kickboxing. I put on some really daggy 80's music loud on our stereo and sang along to it- the neighbours probably think I'm nutso! hehehe... probably.

Spontaneous cheat meal

2009-09-02T08:33:00.002+10:00

Ali and I saw our coach on Monday for our weekly skins and it was a rather bizarre appt of highs and lows for me! Before taking my measurements we ran through our compulsory poses in front of Jon’s bathroom mirror (best natural light!) and were pleased that I had visible progress going on- the tan helped a lot there!

I dropped another 2ml however, not from the areas which are really lagging behind which are my triceps and quads. The triceps was no surprise for me, Ive always disliked my arms and although the bicep is quite lean now the tri is holding on! The quad however is a nasty surprise, I started the game with relatively lean legs so assumed that this would be a strong point for me. But alas turns out I’m not a special exception and am struggling to lean down the legs just like every other woman- darn estrogen! I was hoping to get them all the way down to 5-6ml but they have not really budged in the last 5-6 weeks!

So I have no patience at all right now for that question that always pops up around the traps- how do I lose fat from my tummy? Or, I just want to tighten up this area *point to offending part of self* Sorry, its out of your hands! although there’s always lypo.. ;)

We made quite a few little changes to my meal plan for this week- more food and calories but less of the things I usually look forward to. Nothing really bothers me at this late stage though, we’re almost done and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to finish this well. I thought my steady state cardio might increase but instead I’m doing a couple of high intensity sessions again this week. Variety is good. My last session I hogged 3 cardio machines at our local gym and did three rounds of five minutes on each- the time flew! Running is not even that hard when you don’t have as much fat flying haha. I remember when my butt and lovehandles used to ‘bounce’- ouch!

So there I was thinking how much work I had ahead of me when at the very end of the appt, coach says- when was your last off plan meal? I thought he was doing a ‘compliance check’ as we’d cut those out weeks ago but he said, “have one more this weekend”. *stunned face* really? At 3 weeks out? Didn’t see that coming! Lol. I see it as a nice reward for being on track cos that’s how my prep has been- coach plans the timing, ie to make small drops as steadily as possible and then I work the plan. If I do as Im told, there’s no worries, no fear, no guilt.

Its funny, you might think someone in my position would be fairly desperate for a cheat meal at this point, but I’m not and when you weren’t hoping or expecting to have one til post comp its kind of like getting a present for no reason! People assume that I must be feeling so deprived cos I can’t eat cake or even something as ‘normal’ as a toasted sandwich but honestly… I’ve worked through that- if I was still feeling deprived after this long on a meal plan I would seriously rethink whether its worth living life so miserably! As far as I’ve come with my relationship with food - I’ve also accepted that I may not be as ‘popular’ now if I don’t join in, say yes to everything and get extremely excited about junk food. Lol! But I’m simply a much happier person without that addiction and emotional attachment to food and the longer you strive to be consistent in your lifestyle changes you’ll be amazed that it ever had such power over you… l don’t preach that food is fuel and that’s it but rather if you learn to use food wisely, you can turn a negative into a positive mindset where you can love and enjoy food for what it is (rather than have a love/hate relationship with it!) Where cheat meals used to be a source of anxiety followed by guilt for me, I’m hoping its now going to be a case of setting my taste buds on fire followed by being full and satisfied- big difference hey?

Wanting to implement the changes to the meal plan meant grocery shopping for more supplies after work and gym last night- didn’t get home and start cooking dinner and prepping new meals for the next day until 8:30pm. Got in bed by 10:30pm (late for me) and managed to fall asleep quick so would have had just under 7 hours sleep before up again for cardio. I find I feel best with 7-8 hours consistently.

So I’m really enjoying prep but more than just a big long dieting exercise it is kind of like a healthy lifestyle “to the extreme” that one must try to keep up with. When you really get down to the business end there’s no exceptions, days off or time to pause. If you don’t feel 100%, are tired, unmotivated, feeling a bit flat, whatever- suck it up cos it doesn’t matter! (gotta love this in a sick kind of way, but only temporarily!) So what I’m dreaming about post comp are things involving more flexibility and balance in my daily/weekly routine:

Having more energy and enjoying training sessions more, being able to rest when I need to
Being able to leave the house without meticulous meal planning and worrying about Tupperware, refrigeration or what the time is
Not having to do as much food prep, getting more creative in the kitchen with healthy recipes
Not having to get up really early every morning for cardio, being able to spread sessions out more and with more variety.

Photoshoot Sun 29 Aug 09

2009-09-02T08:29:00.002+10:00

What a weekend it was!

Not only was the photo session heaps of fun but we had a good amount of time to catch up with lindy and dallas and as always I can learn a lot from lindy! Not enough nice things can be said about this happy couple who made us feel so welcome and comfortable.

I only slept about 5 hours Saturday night, I think I was too excited! I was up early and usual quite hungry so I got my cardio out of the way to earn breakfast. I had every intention of going along with ali and lindy for their walk on the beach as well but found my butt stubbornly planted on a comfy recliner in front of a plasma with cable TV… at this point you don’t really have the energy for anything extra! :P

We planned the timing of the shoot to coincide with 4 week out mark because we thought surely by this point we’d be looking pretty decent! ;) lol. And although I feel pretty ordinary and bloated from all the vegies and water pretty much all the time, overall I’m happy with where I was at body fat wise for them- lean but healthy looking. Its funny, you can’t really imagine how you’re going to feel at the various stages of prep til you get there, despite having seen others go through it. I expected to feel tiny and like death for the last 6 weeks but its only every now and then I get what I call the ‘skinny’ panic..! and that changes day to day, some days im still fat, other days I think im hot stuff! Lol its all in your head of course but honestly, most of the time I’m too tired or busy to really care- hair is always pulled back, minimal makeup, baggy clothes etc. That’s why glamming up for the pics was so much fun.

Dallas has already sent me the proofs to go through and 'cull the duds' so I can't wait to see the finished products. And of course jadey I will be posting ‘one’ for you… everyday until you guys beg me to stop.. hahahaa..

FOUR weeks out

2009-08-29T10:40:00.002+10:00

~*Its the final countdown* ~

Ali and I are tanned up, I've got my nails on and after training today we're heading to Lindy's to stay for our photoshoot with Dallas in the morning. Its going to be great to have some shots with all the beauty stuff taken care of, rather than me in my lorna jane, dirty face and hair! I truly understand now that behind what we all admire in magazines is 99% unglamorous hard work!

Could time slow down a little for me please, I can't keep up! Its funny actually- half of me is wishing away the next three weeks of work while the other is wanting time to stand still so I can get myself together! I definitely felt the shift in terms of brainpower over the last two weeks, I am only doing slightly more cardio (making days longer) however this does not account for how rushed I feel cos I guess my poor little brain just can't keep up!

This week was an exercise of time management skills- worked 5 days, Trained 5 days, cardio every day, had two spray tan appts post workout Wed and Fri nights, Thurs night we had off gym and I managed to prep 12 meals, do a second cardio session and dye my hair- proud!

I had a good training session last night- shoulders, biceps and calves and followed it up with some cardio while chatting with another competitor who is taking a plunge from competing in physique to IFBB Figure. Its great to be able to chat the cardio minutes away about all things Figure, have a bit of a vent etc! We immediately swapped annoyed looks toward the woman on my other side who was coughing profusely and sounded as though she should be home in bed! I'm a little more understanding of sick people on public transport who may not be able to get the day of work but please don't cough all over me at this late stage- the thought of getting sick is ... well I've made it this far! (staying positive). Im sure it has something to do with the garlic I eat at probably every meal, I would say this is the first year I can remember getting through winter without even a sore throat! A couple of times I felt a tickle, I beat it down with good old olive leaf extract.

I've switched from worrying about being swamped in novice class at the ANB to hoping there is a good turnout, given that everyone seems to be doing the INBA the week prior, what with the Natural Olympia and all. To all those a week ahead of me right now, I hope you are right on track, pumped and excited and I look forward to cheering you on soon!!!

Inspiration

2009-08-28T12:03:00.003+10:00

I sincerely want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment on my blog here or on lindy’s website so far. A couple of people have even said recently that I am ‘inspiring’ or that reading a certain post was inspirational as they could relate to it in a certain way. This makes me feel great and I’m so happy that I could have that impact just by sharing my experiences, and I’m still 4 weeks away from my first comp!

When you go on a journey that really tests you physically mentally and emotionally all at the same time, it breaks you down but makes you stronger and really makes you want to share with others what you have learnt along the way.

I’ve mentioned that I previously worked as a personal weight loss consultant, at a time when honestly, I was not confident nor successful in managing my own weight. Despite this, I was a very successful consultant in an industry about numbers and statistics- I managed to top the list as seeing more clients per hour (ie they kept booking in to see me) than any other consultant in the state! I really enjoyed the job and wonder now, given what I have learnt, whether I would be more or less successful at it… and honestly, I’m not sure….Because I would define ‘success’ very differently to the company!

A weight loss company’s various measures of success all come down to the bottom line- $. All of our statistics were in relation to clients per hour, sales figures in relation to memberships and products. Did we measure how many clients hit their ‘goal weight’, completed the maintenance course and didn’t return to us back at square one…. Of course not! I was even dubbed a ‘specialist’ in counselling clients who were returning to the program (often many times over the years). This saddens me now, because as much as I tried to ‘empower’ people to learn to manage their own weight, this was a rare victory indeed.

Having said that, it was never about me. I was only one piece of that person’s weight loss puzzle. One of the biggest things I have learnt is that you can be as well supported and motivated by others as you like but you must find also your own ‘intrinsic’ motivation in order to be consistent, patient, driven and dare I say stubborn enough to stay the course. It helps you recognise that if you stray from plan too often, muddle around with half effort etc the world doesn’t end, it doesn’t matter to anyone else (might actually make them happier) but you are just cheating yourself. I’ve learnt that excuses and justifications for eating poorly and skipping workouts are just a state of denial. Feeling flat and need a ‘refeed’? No sorry, having gone ‘cheat meal’ free now for almost 7 weeks has forced me to learn that I won’t die or go crazy without certain foods and to admit that when I do re-introduce these meals, they are purely for taste… which is a great reason to eat, on occasion!

Be patient with yourself- eg it has seriously taken me well over a year to slowly and literally wean myself off ‘needing’ tomato sauce on certain things and having milk in coffees.. reduce these extras gradually, I could not have gone from dousing sauce on everything and drinking cappuccinos to not having a drop of either! Long blacks are my comp prep saviour!

Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘how easy would it be to lose weight if I had someone cooking all my meals for me and a personal trainer’, etc etc? Sounds pretty sweet however, without intrinsic motivation then you might just end up with more time to try not think about food… Instead, learn to derive satisfaction from the hard ‘unglamorous’ work that goes on behind the scenes, rather than feeling restricted or deprived. You wanted this, right? When on a true 'lifestyle change' rather than diet you shouldn't feel overly restricted at any point (other than say 4-6 weeks out from a comp) anyway and as i said, making changes very gradual eases the pain ;)
My journey started when I accepted that I would never have enough information to satisfy me and there would never be a ‘perfect stress-free time’ to concentrate on a goal. I started learning by doing, making mistakes and hanging on for dear life xx

Reality Check

2009-08-26T21:41:00.001+10:00

There was a great post (as usual) from the aussie motivational speaker- Craig Harper’s yesterday that inspired me to share... Its about choices and is titled ‘Fat by another name’ and begins with a funny story about overhearing a mother describe her son as ‘powerfully built’ when in truth he was, well.. fat.

He writes: ‘There ain’t too many powerfully built five-year-olds. Unless of course your five-year-old happens to be a Pit Bull Terrier. Let’s be clear, the ‘Rock’ is powerfully built. A Hummer is powerfully built. Shaq is powerfully built. A Harley is powerfully built but telling yourself (and others) that your obese child is powerfully built is like calling a donut a high-performance food because it has plenty of calories in it. It just ain’t true.

I’ve read statistics on parents presenting their children to GPs that show that parents are less likely to be aware of apparent or potential issues regarding their child’s weight if said child is a boy. That’s where we often see politically correct euphemisms such as ‘powerful’, ‘stocky’ etc. I had a couple of my own, growing up from my loving parents- my dad called me ‘solid’ or ‘his little front row forward’ while mum would describe me as ‘shapely’. (lol!) Now of course I don’t think the right approach is to start calling your children ‘fat’ either BUT I digress (Ive previously posted about leading by example but don’t have kids yet so overall unqualified to comment) :P

I do know that kids aren’t silly- I didn’t really buy into the subtlety or otherwise of my parents’ weight related comments at the time however, upon reflection I’m pretty sure that what they did do was to help me justify my weight. I thought yes, I might be slightly bigger than my friends but that’s the way I am built and apparently there’s nothing I could do about it! I even started labelling my friends as ‘just skinny’… eh.. all of them! I ate healthfully overall but it didn’t occur to me that eating supersized portions and coming home from school and gorging on whatever was in the fridge was perhaps a little excessive and could easily be modified …

When I started dieting in late teenage years I excused away my failed efforts with the same ‘genetics’ argument and that poor me, I must have a shit metabolism. Little did I know at the time that I’m actually quite fine boned and as for my metabolism, I was doing a great job of wrecking an otherwise fine one! And there I would go from one extreme to the other- eating whatever, whenever I wanted or following an extremely strict diet. I did not recognise the many shades of grey imbetween of gradual changes I could have easily made through the many food choices each day.

I do concede that some people (including me perhaps) are genetically predisposed to gain weight and fat easier than others. But am I going to let that stop me? It still comes down to ‘genetic management’, what we do with what we’ve got. This is a hard pill to swallow in practice. If I choose to be negative and whine, I resent the fact that I can’t eat whatever I want, despite the level of exercise I do- not if I want to be lean! Failed ‘dieting’ attempts only served to reinforce my belief that there was no point trying either- why would anyone continue to restrict themselves and be miserable for mediocre and temporary results?

Craig says that the answer to our current obesity epidemic (and I would add contrast of increasing numbers of eating disorders) is simply for ‘you and I to make different choices. Consistently. And yes, some people will suggest that I am over-simplifying a complex issue (it’s often in their financial interest to do so) and to those folk I would reply, have you ever considered that perhaps you are complicating a relatively simple issue?’

CHOICES! We make heaps of them everyday and are personally responsible for and in control of every single one that may or may not get us a step closer to our goals. Craig’s post today says that: ‘For some people everything is hard. No matter how good life is. Hard is built, maintained and empowered by them. I’ve seen some people deal with cancer more easily and with less drama than other people deal with a sprained ankle or a common cold. Why? Because certain people create easy while others create hard, that’s why’.

I choose to:

· Stop beating myself up for my past issues with food and approach each new goal with self confidence and a positive attitude- don’t make things harder than they have to be by overthinking/analysing

· make time to cook every night and prepare healthy meals in advance on the weekend- make every effort to support sticking to the plan overall

· eat foods that match my health and figure goals even when I’d rather eat something ‘yummier’ or more convenient (notice how almost all ‘convenient’ or quick foods tend to be fast acting carbs?)

· politely refuse offers of food from others/’free’ food without fear of seeming rude, being different or ‘missing out’

· eat ‘off plan’ free from guilt at a frequency that matches my current goals (ie not for the time being!)

· occasionally indulge my huge appetite with ‘cheat meals’ purely for taste and satiety, without guilt or being emotionally driven

· lift weights because I enjoy it, it gives my body the shape I want (muscular and feminine) and increases my metabolism

· do cardio because it helps me stay leaner and the body is designed to move

· prioritise my health and needs through my choice of lifestyle and not feel guilty, vain or selfish for doing so

· basically, ‘own’ my choices and be personally accountable for my health, and

· DEFY MY ‘GENETICS’!!!!!!!

5 wks out

2009-08-23T10:22:00.003+10:00

Quick one- feeling good overall. Have had a really positive mindset all week but then 2 'episodes' involving high anxiety/panic... usually when tired AND hungry. Its funny, nothing really worrying me at the time- purely physical reaction! I just concentrate on slowing down my breathing, get some water in and am fine again within minutes.

Have definately entered the fuzzy brain zone and work is an increasing struggle but we have our last week of prep off work, so only 4 more weeks of that! Im very lucky to have the kind of job where I can eat my meals etc and work fairly flexible to be able to see coach weekly.

Had a great chest/shoulders training session yesterday. Used the 'pro spot' for my bench press and smashed out at reps at the max weight I have used to date- so on a good day my strength is still really good. Im even adapting to the longer cardio sessions, once you accept that you're going to be on the treadmill for a while you can just settle in with your choice of distracting material and the time often goes quite quickly! Magazines seem to work really well ;)

Photo session is next weekend and we have our spray tanS booked in for Wed and Friday night- will be my first time in the paper g-string- LOL! Ali's mum is kindly doing my makeup which is great as we all know how expensive this game is! We can't wait to start spending our money on things other than supplements etc! Not buying any food out really shows you what a waste of $ that is though, esp when you can get a whole bag of tomatoes/zucchini for $2! We have just been buying quite a lot of long blacks to get us through- Gloria Jeans is our fave!

Off to see 'Inglourious Basterds' now and they'll be celery crunching in the cinemas, lol! used to worry about this but really, its not that much noisier than popcorn .. and who really cares anyway ;)

Have a great Sunday!

Afraid to be fat (again)

2009-08-20T20:00:00.002+10:00

Today’s post is inspired by the media!

Its splashed across the current issue of the Australian New Idea featuring a story about Magda Szubanski and no doubt you’ve heard about the Federal Government’s “crackdown” on weight loss industry in relation to ensuring they also help clients maintain their weight loss.

In my experience as a consultant in the weight loss industry some companies have by now been clever enough to hit the ‘maintenance’ angle. However, just quietly this conveniently sells more programs, keeps people on the program longer and therefore sells more products.

I am becoming more and more aware of the need to address physiological issues behind successful weight management, in order to truly get off the dieting bandwagon and as dumb as it sounds, not be afraid of food! For me to overcome this I have had to build my self –confidence by demonstrating to myself that not only could I lose weight (despite my prior insistence of poor genetics/metabolism/luck) but could keep it off.

Dr Phil says that past behaviour is a good predictor for future behaviour, with which I agree. However, its too easy to let past attempts and perceived failure (yo yo dieting) hold you back from trying. And when I say ‘trying’ I actually mean ‘doing’:

“Do or do not- there is no try” – Yoda.

Some people prefer to ‘try’ to eat well, exercise and lose weight for fear of failure/embarrassment if they fail. Some people will be on and off diets their whole lives. The thought of struggling with body image, emotional eating etc throughout adulthood and motherhood really bugged me, I wanted to conquer these beasts once and for all!

Deciding to compete in my first figure comp at first seemed a little illogical as I was told that, “if girls don’t already have an eating disorder they will post comp”. And here I was approaching it the other way around. I also read a lot about the dreaded post comp rebound, which in my opinion seems like an extreme version of the yo yo dieting I had struggled with, and would probably be inevitable IF I were to view comp prep as ‘the ultimate DIET’! All I knew at this point was that I was tired of working hard in the gym for an average physique and never really looking any different. So even though I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me, I accepted the challenge.

What made the difference was deciding to commit to competing over 12 months in advance and upon numerous recommendations, hiring a brilliant coach. I knew that with or without me, that show was happening on 26 September 2009 and in order to get to the stage I would have to commit 100%, no half assed effort would do. My coach is certainly not the kind to hold your hand and in the nicest possible way, doesn’t have time to waste on anyone with questionable commitment. But I still had plenty of time to get used to the organisation, routines, discipline and make heaps of mistakes along the way.

A lorna jane gym shirt I wear often and that many of you probably own, sums it up:

“Never never never give up”- Winston Churchill.

I would like to add: But this time, give it EVERYTHING! With persistent effort and patience, you will push through past ‘barriers’ and be amazed with what you can achieve. When you give yourself enough time to lose the weight slowly, it is no longer a ‘diet’ but becomes a lifestyle. You’d be surprised with how over time, new habits can form, replacing things you previously ‘couldn’t live without’… tomato sauce I’m talking to you! :)

A... (Muscular) Beauty Pagent

2009-08-19T12:03:00.007+10:00

This is how I would describe Figure compared to someone who has never heard of competing in Figure (only women's bodybuilding)...

My picture today is of the winner of the figure intermediate class at the inba show in May earlier this year- Bianca. I have not met her yet, but was told by Lindy what a lovely lady she is- so focussed and full of positive energy. I remember seeing her onstage and other than the obvious being her fabulous physique being so impressed with her overall presentation and stage presence. She looked so beautiful and really stood out. A big factor for us girls to prepare for that has been in my mind ever since!

I got excited this morning when Ali reminded me that our photoshoot with Dallas Olsen is now just 10 DAYS AWAY!!! I will finally get my beautiful new swimsuit off layby; get this- I have been going to Sunburn periodically (ok, twice) to 'visit it' (lol!) i mean try it on to make sure it still fits! I chose the size based on the fact that when I tried it on, I was at a bodyfat level that i hope to maintain post comp into Summer to get lots of wear out of it but was worried that come 4wks pre-comp it might be a lil.. saggy. haha. so far, so good!

That reminds me of how when I first started thinking about competing early last year, I visited Jo Rogers site and wondered HOW she knew what size to make girls' suits? I sent her an email like 12 mths in advance about my suit, telling her my height and approx comp weight and asked that very question. Her reply:

If you come into your show in great condition then the size you are and
the size of the next girl really isn't that great a difference - there maybe
slight differences but ultimately the height is the main governing factor -
and thank goodness for lycra - it is a very forgiving fabric - lol

And now I understand! Im really glad I was able to see Jo for a personal fitting because she worked out individual needs for the cut of my suit based on my length of torso etc. I have these wide hips that start really high as well so you have to get creative to manage that- lol! But overall, WE are conditioning our bodies to fit the suits rather than the other way around- you MUST be in great shape to look good in a figure suit and you'd better have a lean ass to pull of the pro cut pants. How's that for motivation!

I can't wait to see my finished suit... I will most likely cry when I open it ;) Tara received hers recently- what a beauty, thanks for posting a pic for us!

So yes, not too much going on other than counting down really! Ali and I are having the week prior to comp off work which I cannot wait for! on track and its just a case of ticking all the boxes every day and keeping up with it all - SLEEP is a huge priority to achieve this. Thinking about it, im quite proud of our commitment to this process, it has been thanks to pure stubbornness at times! Sure, I wish everyday I had more muscle mass, thicker back, better abs, shorter limbs, narrow hips etc etc! But there will be NO REGRETS on the day :)

Ps. Girls with muscles are HOT!!!

6 weeks out

2009-08-15T18:04:00.003+10:00

*insert scary music*.... lol

I have heard about the last 4-6 weeks of prep as being the part where (if you haven't already) you might start asking yourself 'just why the hell am I doing this, again?' The plan is definately stepped up around this time, more cardio, less carbs means that if you don't tread carefully and get overtired you might be in some trouble! I'm having little more trouble coping and keeping up with the most recent changes, noticeable in lack of recovery from weights sessions and memory/concentration suffering.

However, although I might have a 'hard' day every now and then I am doing my best to stay positive, forget what I've heard to expect and just RUN MY OWN RACE. Stef Williams gave us some really great advice a while ago that if you tell yourself you're tired, hungry etc then you will be! Why reinforce those feelings?

Ali and I had a great session with Jo this morning working on our routines. For some reason, the routine and posing have been my biggest worries! (not worried about getting lean in time, leave that up to coach! lol) So now its just a case of practice, practice practice!

I have to run and cook now (sigh!) but will update with more asap!

First HIIT session.. phew!

2009-08-12T11:31:00.002+10:00

As the title indicates, I've had a little switch up in terms of my weekly cardio in an effort to keep things moving! Now doing a couple of high intensity sessions in amongst the long and slow stuff. Nutrition around this cardio is different as well of course, to ensure Im burning fat and preserving muscle. My coach Jon explains all of this really well in his article in the current Oxygen mag (Eat to Compete- Part 2) so if you're wondering about what sort of cardio is best for fat burning, the answer is it depends what you're eating- worth a read!!

I was really nervous about doing it! which sounds strange but I have a heightened sense of anxiety about most things at the moment, thats just comp prep! But now that the first session is done and I survived, I feel much better :) was good actually to get red faced and sweaty, get the blood pumping and as you all know- you feel amazing afterward, really energised!

Unfortunately I couldn't get to any classes and I've never been a runner so I had to get .. creative in kicking my own butt! I had a general plan, walk fast/jog/run intervals on our treadmill, mixed up with some of my old high intensity cardio DVDs- Billy Blanks Tae Bo this morn! Switching it up helped me ward off boredom and keep up the pace. I also had a skipping rope outside and ran out there a couple of times for some fresh air- big calorie burner apparently. So the hardest part really was constantly thinking about what I was doing, what I would do next and hoping I could keep it up for the duration! But I think next time I'll have a structured plan in place so it should go smoother.

Im a born planner! First time I met Coach he said- Plan the work, work the plan!

24hr training

2009-08-08T20:17:00.004+10:00

2 posts in one day- thats a first for me!!

Ali and I usually work at at CBJ at MacGregor which is such a good gym that we decided to stay with them when we moved about 30mins drive away.

However, in the last 8 weeks of comp prep we were looking for something a little more convenient SO just to add to the expenses that are competing, we now have a second gym membership at our local 24 hour gym (Temple).

Its small but has good quality equipment. Not as much variety of course but more than adequate for smaller body parts in particular. The machine in the pic behind me is a 'pro spot' which is pretty cool! you can do squats, bench, rows anything and go as heavy as you like and simply rotate the bar to kick in your 'spot' when you reach failure- nice!

So we've just gotten home; I trained chest and triceps and did some abs imbetween sets. I think these are lagging a bit unfortunately, shame when they all the hallmark of being fit and lean! I'm pretty pleased with the progress I've made with most other body parts though. Since being motivated by Ali to start weight training a couple of years ago I adopted his bb style and worked the majors- back, legs, chest and arms as heavy as I could. In the last 12 months I learnt more and have worked to prioritise my shoulders, hammies and glutes. Leaning out for the first time ever has been a bit of a shock, ie bones and ribs emerging through a lack of muscle density and thickness but its a starting point. Ive built a foundation, love my training and intend to keep it up for years to come :)

7 weeks out

2009-08-08T13:23:00.003+10:00

Hi all,

Got a interesting mixed response to my brekkie creation :) I think its definately the slow and gradual changes in my diet that make this seem ok to me! ie first getting used to plain oats on water, then getting used to mixing the egg whites in and now going the whole hog and putting my vege in there too! cauli really has no taste but did i mention there is a LOT of cinnamon going on in there! Hanni, my fellow addict- I've read that its really good for u, hehe! Selina is totally right- you have to get a little creative for taste during comp prep!

You'll have to give me more details re the pizza base idea Dori, sounds good to me! if I had a base, I could go to town with all my favourite pizzary toppings- tomato paste, chicken/turkey, mushrooms, oregano, spinach, red yellow AND green capsicum yummo.

Jadey asked how much time I have in the mornings to prepare breakfast. Answer- very little! I prep EVERYTHING in bulk and in advance. Meaning there is a sizable tupperware container of mashed cauliflower in my fridge right now ready to go ;) I do spend some time doing this on weekend etc though cos I like to make sure I enjoy my meals.

Again, this week has gone super fast for me and overall I'm happy to report I'm cruising. Every now and then if I let myself get too tired I get a bit over-emotional but I'm doing well at staying calm and positive most of the time. I even wound down with a candlelit bath the other night AND tried some yoga (ok, 5 min Youtube videos- its a start when you need QUICK ideas to de-stress!) No real food cravings going on which amazes me. A while ago I would think about some of the things Im going to have once the diet is over (yes, Sizzler springs to mind) but what I am looking forward to more now (than specific food items/restaurants) is just the option of dining out, flexibility etc and simply being able to relax a little around meals rather than having to be strategic about making sure I get them all in, spaced out correctly, balanced with not letting myself get hungry.. you know!? Cos hunger is really the only thing Im afraid of now, in terms of dieting.. not boring food, not 'deprivation' of junk etc.

In other news, Ali and I recently joined up at our local 24 hour gym (yep two gym memberships- hardcore!) and its small but has good quality equipment. I like being able to get in, move around quickly without having to wait for things etc and be done! Im sure its got a lot to do with my weight going down but Im smashing out unassisted chins with ease now and have even mastered a few widegrip pullups. so much fun!

Going to finish this post with a little plug for our fave Oxygen mag and brag too- if you haven't got this month's issue yet, Ali has been busy editing and writing articles and is a contributer this month :) As is the lovely Michelle Koen- food genius who has already shared her talent for some time on Lindy's forum. The mag is actively promoting Aussie talent which is so great to see.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Bleghhh or brilliant brekkie idea?

2009-08-04T20:11:00.002+10:00

7 weeks, 3 days out but whose counting? ;)

Just wanted to post an idea I had recently which might be useful to people who want to either bump up their vegie intake (particularly at the tricky breakfast meal) and/or want to bulk up their brekkie oats if your portion is measly!

For ages, I'd been baking eggs (some whole, rest whites) with my mixed vegies and cutting this into individual portions which works a treat. However, this week I decided to try something different and to cover all the bases I've been eating:

a whole egg boiled, separately- really enjoying being able to taste the yolk

mixing my whites in with my oats on the stovetop- pour in and mix fast so there's no chunks; and

boiling up and mashing cauliflower and adding this to the oats for my vegie portion! I couldn't mash it well enough to really get out the chunks but I don't really mind it..

For flavour, I add heaps of cinnamon, dash of nutmeg and splenda to taste.

I also use a fair bit of water so by the time I'm done, 30g of oats goes a long way! :)

So tell me, bleghh or brilliant? (try it first!)

8 weeks out

2009-08-01T19:44:00.003+10:00

and again, not too much to report! ahh how boring. Only had a small drop in skins this week and now that we are at the 8 week out mark i need at least a certain amount each week to lean down in time. Having a coach though, I'm not worried about this at all. All I have to worry about is getting through what he deals out! lol. my cardio jumped up quite a bit this week so Im kinda hoping the weeks keep flying by like they have been and Im looking forward to warmer weather and earlier sunrises.

Had some fairly dramatic mood swings this week! I'm pretty good now at just letting a bad mood pass by because I know I'll be positive again before long! Last night I felt so negative about the whole thing I just ate dinner and put myself to bed. Tomorrow is always a new day :) Tuesday this week will see my longest run thus far with no cheat meal (over 16 days) so I'm looking forward to climbing over that hill and coming out the other side. Prep has been like that for me- tackling one or two small changes or habits at a time which seem difficult at first but then with some practice your confidence increases and whatever it is just becomes part of your routine. I read a PN article recently about this very topic. The more you try to overhaul your diet/lifestyle all at once, the less likely you are to succeed (at keeping it up). Simple isn't it, but makes perfect sense. Patience is a virtue and unfortunately to get any kind of lasting results we have to fight through tough days where we feel like we're not getting anywhere... but we are, in the long run. No effort is ever wasted :)

There was about two minutes yesterday when I seriously contemplated getting lasagne with big fat chips for lunch. My little brain was trying all its tricks to justify it but I succeeded in just observing these thoughts and letting them pass. Although it was the first time I thought seriously about cheating (that is, when Im not allowed to) I knew I would not actually do it... all very new to me, feels great! because i just know its not worth it, the guilt would be incredible (still working on that part!) and I literally wouldn't have even enjoyed eating it. My last authorised cheat meal at Sizzlers however (see previous post) was awesome and I enjoyed every bite, those memories will just have to last a little while! Sounds like I'm a little obsessed with food hey? Yeah.. oh well!

Just completed first week of new training split which I borrowed from Vic, it was great! I had really been needing to prioritise abs a bit more.

Freedom from the scales

2009-07-28T09:55:00.004+10:00

You’ve heard it a million times before- its not the number on the scale that counts, muscle weighs more than fat, it fluctuates day to day, fluids etc etc!!?

And we all nod our heads and agree, yes its just one tool to assist measure progress in addition to how we look in the mirror, clothes fitting, tape measurements and skinfolds. But when your aim is to lean down, after a week or so of busting your ass, just quietly- what woman doesn’t get some pleasure from seeing the scale weight decrease?

That’s why comp prep is a unique and valuable experience for me. For years, I’ve judged my progress, success and to sound drastic, value/happiness on my weight which fluctuated to its highest point at about March 2008 (68kg). I remember how I felt when I would look in my wardrobe and just know most of my clothes would be too tight. I was miserable and felt powerless to change. Sure, I knew that if I cut calories and did several aerobics classes per week I would lose weight but experience told me I could never keep it up and keep the weight off -so what was the point?

When deciding to compete; I had been weight training for a couple of years and knew I had a nice shape hidden under a few layers. But I also knew that I had many demons to slay in terms of my relationship with food before I could commit to the rigours of a comp prep diet. I didn’t doubt my ability to stick to the plan so much as I feared the onset of an eating disorder, having flirted dangerously with binge eating disorder for the past few years. So we engaged our coach about 15 months out from our intended comp (June 2008 – September 2009). He measured our progress by skinfolds and I learnt that while I would obviously lose weight on the scales as I lost fat, it was actually preferable to hold as much scale weight (MUSCLE) as possible while dropping the fat by dieting slowly and correctly. So I began to weigh myself only to record against skinfold measurements when tracking my progress.

When I first heard the weight at which I would compete I immediately thought it was impossible. But I put this thought aside and trusted my coach that if I did as I was told, things would all eventually fall into place. It was extremely exciting to see the numbers drop, especially when I broke through some barriers, eg 63kg which had previously been my ‘comfortable’ maintenance point, getting under 60kg of course and now sub 55kg. The lowest I had been previously as an adult was about 57kg- at the time I was eating 800-1000 calories a day, doing at least an hour of high intensity aerobics a day (Body Attack etc)…. and still had a pot belly!

Its only last week that I’ve truly realised how irrelevant the scale is… the batteries died on Friday and I realised I didn’t care! Its a startling relevation actually, why leave your sense of achievement on a (sometimes random) number... wouldn't you be better off making sure you eat right and exercise consistently? If so, the number will take care of itself! Meanwhile, the batteries in our food scale carked it last night and I totally flipped! (on a comp prep you weigh EVERYTHING) LOL!

In summary, It takes time to undo years of self doubt brainwashing. Be kind and patient with yourself. My maintenance goals for the offseason will definitely be on skinfolds and continuing to use the scale as a rough guide with an aim to increasing lean mass (no, don't throw them out the window just yet). I bought new jeans a little while ago when I reached the size I hope to maintain, so as long as they fit, I’m happy!

9 weeks oooh single digits!

2009-07-25T19:20:00.002+10:00

Well this is going to be a bit of a random brain dump/update because I don't have anything really new or exciting to post! Saw our coach yesterday and had a good drop with the skinfolds after starting on some fat burners. So my meal plan hasn't changed again which is GREAT because I'm still comfortable with what I'm eating at the moment, but I am getting to the point where I don't want to give anything else up- variety is good as long as you can get away with it!

Strength at the gym is not bad either but energy otherwise has been a little flat and I'm pretty much sore all the time. If we weren't training for comp I would tell myself I'm overtraining and take a break, but this is all normal and part of it I guess. When at the gym I try to psyche myself up and make the most of the session because while I don't think I can put on muscle while dieting, I sure can't afford to lose any!

So how am I going with the death of the cheat meal? Fine mostly, as my day to day diet does not feel too restrictive at this stage... although that is probably because I have been on a meal plan so long that all the changes have been very slow and gradual- recommend this because there's no bad shocks! ask me twelve months ago if I could live without tomato sauce? LOL! I did struggle mentally a little at first as so far the longest I have been without a cheat meal is 16 days BUT gosh, time is flying!

People have started asking me when am I going to start eating 'normally' again? Its too difficult to explain to them all about how I don't even really view this as a diet, I'm just eating a certain way to achieve a goal (ie skinfolds low enough to compete) and that post comp I'll simply be changing the meal plan accordingly.. So no, sorry I don't intend to EVER go back to saying yes every time someone offers me food, getting excited over catering 'leftovers', eating vegetables every other day and firing up the sandwich maker for lunch. It really is sad when eating a huge salad every day is unusual behaviour which people can't help commenting on! So yeah, who wants to be normal anyway? lol.

LAST cheat meal

2009-07-20T12:03:00.004+10:00

...was devoured and enjoyed yesterday! I had already planned it so I'm very glad Jon gave me permission to eat it at our last appointment lol. 'Last one!' he says!

It was pretty good timing though, its my birthday this Wednesday and before we started out 20 week out comp diet countdown, I never dreamed I'd still be allowed an all out cheat meal at this stage in the game! So I was able to go to one of my favourite restaurants, Sizzler :) with my family. The inner fat girl in me used to love Sizzler simply because it was, all you can eat. However, over the last twelve months, I've gotten more and more used to the idea of having one cheat meal every so often (eg once per week) without this meaning that I have to absolutely guts it! At first I was just binging, ie eating past the point of pleasure and feeling a loss of control. But with practice, the last few months especially I have really noticed the difference in how, when I eat slowly and mindfully (actually enjoying the food) I need less of it to feel satisfied. I'm also not really craving any junky foods during a period of just a week, which helps. I can still put away a bloody lot of food for my size though (haha!) but now I can honestly say that I enjoyed every bite :) Now, I like Sizzler for the variety- you can have a little taste of so many things without ordering everything and then wasting it!

At first I was quite disappointed when I couldn't get the meal I had planned to.. the mega bacon cheeseburger deluxe (with grilled chicken instead of beef patty- Definately NOT anything like the one pictured above!!!)- I tried to hide my disappointment to the poor cashier but I felt like saying to her- this is kind of a big deal, you don't understand!!!! My substitite, grilled chicken with bacon and melted cheese served with chips (and of course, tomato sauce) more than compensated though cos I just had a couple of those yummo dinner rolls on the side ;) Good karma also rewarded my effort to be polite when they happened to have my TWO favourite desserts, dessert being an essential element of any good cheat meal. Sticky date pudding and apple crumble, both pretty good with custard and vanilla icecream!

I love that this post is just all about that meal, I really do love food, healthy and otherwise! AS you may know, I struggled with the concept of the cheat meal for a long time, wondering why I could not have smaller portioned treats more frequently. I am now completely satisfied with my approach which works for me, being 98% clean (1 cheat meal as much as I like, out of 42 meals per week)... I will post again with other details of birthday fun :)

Well and truly got my game face on now and ready for fat to fly!

ps. if you love being grossed out by OTT food pics like above, its from here

10 weeks out with my other half

2009-07-18T18:24:00.003+10:00

We were a little worried at first that we might hurt eachother but really, I can't imagine this journey without my partner Ali. Not only do we totally support eachother, we just... understand and right now its pretty much our whole lives! We're both really committed to give this comp the best possible shot.

Ali is the one who inspired me to put down my Les Mills timetable and try lifting, starting with a modest two-three day split about three years ago now. We trained together a little at first and he showed me not to be afraid of heavy weights. I had been doing bodypump fairly consistently for a couple of years and was really used to the burn of high reps. At first it felt really strange training with such low volume, I felt a bit lazy just because I was resting between sets instead of continually moving. These days I use a variety of training styles to keep up intensity and prevent boredom.

As for competing, it was natural progression for Ali who has been training for a number of years now. The lure for me was the ultimate challenge of it and of course the amazing physiques of the figure girls I saw when I went to watch my first show. I didn't have much self belief to start with but now fully trust our coach to get me in the best possible shape I can for my first comp. I feel very lucky and grateful to have been in such great hands from the beginning and I cannot quench the thirst to keep learning and improving!

Strange food combos?

2009-07-17T16:20:00.004+10:00

If i really like certain foods then sometimes I get the crazy idea that I might like them even better chopped up really small and mashed together... hehe.

Check out today's pre-training meal!

I boiled some sweet potato, covered it in my not so secret ingredient CINNAMON (yum!!) mashed banana with it and put my kanga bangas on top (cooked these with zucchini, cherry tomatoes and onion).

Then, rather than eat them on their own I dumped all my green vegies on top too. why not? :)

Another good recent experiment was chicken, fresh pineapple chunks, red capsicum and cauliflower stirfried together topped with some natural yoghurt... (yum!)

I know the real art of cooking is to keep it simple and make the most of balancing flavours using high quality ingredients.. but sometimes this is more fun!

Off to burn these carbos!!

I can't wait....

2009-07-16T16:41:00.003+10:00

I am REALLY looking forward to our photoshoot with Dallas Olsen at the end of next month (4 weeks out from our comp).

I'm not a very 'high maintenance' kind of girl, tending to dress down, flat shoes, limited makeup day to day etc but am really looking forward to the transformation I would undertake with a dark spray tan (never had one before) fake nails (once before, didn't last long!) professional hair and makeup for the shoot. I'm going all out as a trial for the comp itself AND because I want the best photos possible! :) I put a stupidly expensive bikini on layby too, hehe! its fun to be a girl sometimes.

I've kept this to myself up until now but I'm also looking forward to having these photos because I have a goal to try some fitness modelling... I said this with some hesitation and embarassment to Lindy last month, ie 'do you think I could do it?' lol. I need a confidence injection! so what if I get rejected nine out of ten times? Too often, we let a fear of failure or rejection get in our way of doing things we'd really like to. I think, like ANY goal- if I am persistent I will succeed... in which case I'd better up my maintenance slightly :)

11 weeks out and Moving on!

2009-07-11T08:41:00.002+10:00

I was going to post in detail about part 2 of my dramas but will summarise instead- To cut a long story short, my mum left my Dad, sister and I when I was 14 because by then I was 'old enough' to look after myself; she lives in Melbourne. She sends me text messages but I haven't seen her face in about three years. As a teenager I didn't think I needed her, of course! But the last few years I've been struggling with the impact that this has really had and that you don't stop needing a mum once you turn a certain age. As an adult, I've sought a relationship with her but unfortunately she has too many issues of her own to be a mother.

So now I'm moving on!

For those of you who haven't competed before (like me) and are thinking about it, let me tell you that you are in for one emotional ride! All of us are 'emotional eaters' to some degree and dieting for an extended period means that you simply cannot turn to your usual comfort foods when stressed, bored, happy, angry, anything! It doesn't sound difficult (just saying no to foods) and most of the time it isn't- I'm lucky in a sense that I'm not really getting cravings nor envious of what other people around me are eating. Its only those moments when something pushes your buttons and you get upset or any emotion arises- you realise that it has been your habit your whole life to reach for something to eat.

So the solution is that you must be proactive in managing stress and other emotions, there's no way around it! I love Churchill's quote- "when you're going through hell, keep going".

Great news is I'm 11 weeks out today, on track and the posing is slowly improving, although I must constantly be reminded to suck in my tummy! (see pic! lol). We saw Jo again last Sunday and I got fitted for my suit which I'm so excited about! Ali took a couple of photos of me in the standard black suit with Jo making her adjustments which are hilarious but I'd better not post those! :) I got to see JUST HOW SMALL those procut pants are hehehehe. I also chose a couple of pieces of jewellery, these are on my nightstand for motivation.

Enough about me, the girls will be all made up already for the All Female Classic today, I soo wish I was there to cheer them on :) Best of luck to all of you- Jeh, Rae, Jadey, Casey- sorry that's all I can remember right now! All of us will be eagerly awaiting pics

I LOVE IT, but is that all that matters?

2009-07-06T12:36:00.000+10:00

Thanks to the lovely Stef Williams who took the time to comment on my last post (on my other blog @ lindyolsen.com) and gave me and anyone else reading some great advice about positive self talk, getting the job done and enjoying the journey that is prep.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what the real issue is, what is it that is stressing me out etc and I’ve come to the conclusion that I love what I’m doing! I have successfully ‘trained the mind’ to the point where I associate pain with missing meals, training etc things that are damaging to the overall goal of competing rather than see myself as deprived in anyway. At 12 weeks out, I’m not getting overly tired, my meal plan is still great and I’m counting my blessings! J

The stress is more the…. ‘internal conflict’ I’m feeling because to be honest, I have never really been passionate about a goal before and so I guess, being so focussed and ‘stubborn’ to see it through is new to people! Its definitely my nature to worry too much about what others think, to avoid conflict like the plague and to be all around very agreeable. But I’ve found that you can’t please everyone else at the best of times let alone during prep.

The last twelve months, I have lost a lot of weight, finally doing it the right way and conquered a lot of ‘food issues’ and ….. the experience has changed me! I’m working very hard at something that most people don’t really .. understand and even though I’m not placing any demands whatsoever on anyone else, whether I like it or not it does seem to affect the people around me. Family is a bit of a sensitive subject for me (see part two) and I’ve realised that I’m really struggling with not having the support network of a family that some other competitors seem to have, especially as a young novice.

I know that everyone has their own thing going on, but without feeling supported so far I just feel guilty about everything! Guilty about not seeing my friends and family as much and about seemingly putting this goal of mine before the needs or feelings of anyone else. I understand how it all can seem selfish and obsessive to an outsider.. but the truth is it has to be! HOW do you turn it around and convince others that even though its so hard, its so rewarding at the same time and so worthwhile? In my case, I don’t think it will sink in until I make it there.

Next post, part two of the story… (duh! Hahaha) Issues always run much deeper than they appear to!

ANB QLD State titles 12 weeks out TODAY

2009-07-04T09:43:00.001+10:00

so who else is on the countdown with me to this comp? I need some friends backstage to be very nervous with!

this may be the only comp I enter, so the next 12 weeks I'm going to continue giving it EVERYTHING!

I was extremely upset the last couple of days this week, have had some.. family drama that coincides with my dedication to competing. As anyone prepping knows, time is a limited commodity fitting all the food prep, eating, training, cardio, posing practice, appts etc in around a full time job. This may come across as being well, selfish to people who don't really understand the commitments prep demands.

Its been causing me a lot of stress. Family is really important to me and I'm worried that if I don't somehow fix this now, as prep gets more difficult (esp from 6 weeks out) I will be tempted at times to throw in the towel. I mean, when it gets tough, really tough and you're tired, drained and emotional- would it take much for you to say to yourself- why I am doing this? and question it all?

I have worked too hard for the last 12 months to let that happen so Im hoping that at some point I will get a little more support. I guess the first time is particularly difficult. I would really appreciate learning from the experiences of others on this one.

But, to end this post on a positive note- I'm really excited about the business end and seeing all the changes. I'm especially excited about getting our photos done with Dallas before the show, looks like fun!!

Training back today, one of my faves!

SEVEN days

2009-06-29T12:52:00.000+10:00

Firstly thanks heaps to the lovely ladies that commented on my last post, you all said that you knew exactly how I felt and that is good to know! Honestly, just knowing that you're not alone and what you're experiencing is normal (and you're not nuts) helps you move past an 'episode' and get on with things, even when you know that it might happen again tomorrow.. let's hope not though! haha.

Today, I feel great! Had my mini reflexology massage (30mins) which was a well overdue measure to release the tension that had built up in my neck and traps. Who else here hunches at a computer all day before toddling off to training? Also got a great haircut and eyebrow wax, so feeling like a thousand dollars... haha! A tan might get me another step closer to a million!

Ali and I saw our coach Jon this morning, we are 12 weeks out this saturday from the ANB State Titles. I see a lot of posts currently about the 'business' end of prep, how exciting. I hope you all are still smashing your workouts while you can and sticking to your plans like glue. I had another good drop this week (made my target), I will post a photo at the end of the week to mark the 12 week out countdown!

As I mentioned, I've had my weekly 'cheat meals' reduced now. So finally getting to the title of today's post last week in my little food diary was the first seven days I have gone through without a cheat meal, a 'slip', a substitution on the plan or .. a binge! Looking back now, I have not succumbed to binging behaviour (mega emotional eating) since February, I have felt fantastic about my relationship with food ever since I managed to slay that dragon. So I feel like I've accomplished something more now by getting over the 'seven day hump' without "needing" a refeed. Wow, I didn't explode or die or anything! haha. I can see how it would get easier and easier over time.

I certianly take all of these food lessons of mine very seriously as it is obviously going to take a while to 'unlearn' years of bad habits and abusing my body.

I am hoping that when I do get my next cheat meal at the end of this week, I will conquer my next lesson- consistently feeling in control of these refeeds. I think the reduced frequency might actually help me in appreciating the food more, savouring it etc and perhaps also a reduced tolerance for overeating and fatty/sugary foods.

Minor Meltdown

2009-06-28T09:21:00.001+10:00

Those who know me know that I am .. quite an emotional person. (I call it SOFT!!) Can't help it, I also tend to bottle things in for too long which can result in bouts of minor depression, anxiety etc.

Had a little meltdown yesterday. And feel much better for it! So I just wanted to tell anyone reading who is like me, holding it all in, feeling sorry for yourself etc to just let it out and do something about it!

Mine was also a result of waiting tooo long to eat and needing carbs post training!! about 12 weeks out at the moment so the diet is getting stricter as we progress and baby, I need to eat every two hours! So thankful for my job, I carry around my tupperware everywhere, into meetings, training courses whatever and people are used to it by now :) So yesterday, it had already been too long a gap before training, then on the way home we stopped to return some overdue DVDs at our local store. The poor young man who served me was still learning how to use the computer and (accidentally) was trying to majorly rip me off with late fees (more than i actually owed). I wouldn't have bothered if it were only a few bucks but had to labour the point and wait for him to be able to sort it out. I started to feel flushed and dizzy, you know that feeling? Then as I started to get a little impatient and frustrated with him, my physical symptoms got worse and so on.

Made it to the car when the personal issues that were under the surface bubbled over and I started to hyperventilate... panic attack. Then the tears came.

So this would all sound CRAZY to someone a little more capable in managing their emotions and not letting them stew, but combine that with a first time competitor who needs to eat and we have one upset little girl!

As I said, good news is as a result i feel much better, booked myself in for a massage today and I can't wait! Now that my treat meals are becoming few and far between I will be looking for more non food ideas to keep myself amused. Funny how much food preoccupies our lives.. :)

Lessons about getting shredded

2009-06-25T08:33:00.000+10:00

Im in a bit of a transition phase with my dieting at the moment i think. Im lean, Im under my maintenance bodyfat level and all my clothes are baggy but there is still a while to go before I get really shredded!

Just read an interesting article about someone who was already lean but wanted to get single digit body fat. He summarised some of the lessons learnt, Ive picked my faves to post:

Lesson #4: Food Is Only Fuel & All Eating Is EmotionalFundamentally, food is fuel. The only other reasons we eat is for socializing and for emotional reasons. This probably ruffles feathers, but I am basically saying that all eating is emotional, especially overeating and unhealthy eating.
It is also nearly impossible to divorce the emotional aspect from eating and make it simply a re-fueling process. If it was, we’d all eat nutritionally perfect gruel and be perfectly happy with it. Getting to an elite level of body comp and staying there requires wrapping your head around the FACT that the reason you reach for the bag of Doritos, or the cheesecake, or the Aero bar is emotional eating.

Lesson #5: Eating Will Always Be Emotional… Learn To Use ThatI don’t think we ever completely get past the emotional aspects of eating. But the people who are most successful at attaining elite body comp are the ones who get past it, and learn to look at food purely as fuel.
Decadent foods like pizza or ice cream become special occasions, kind of like the rest of the world might treat an expensive bottle of champagne. They are things to be savored and enjoyed rarely, not as a staple.

Think about this: a person who indulges in booze every day is called an alcoholic. Someone who indulges in junk food every day is called… your average North American.

Lesson #6: Fat Loss Is Easy, It’s Your Brain That’s Getting In The WayThis will pi$$ a lot of people off, but fat loss is actually pretty easy. It’s way, WAY easier than muscle gain. It’s not always pleasant, it’s pretty much always socially uncomfortable, and it forces you to go against the grain of your friends, coworkers and family. But when we break it down to a pure physiological process, fat loss is easy.
It’s all the mental stuff tied up in eating that make it pretty much impossible for most of the world. It’s the emotions around eating, the addiction to the taste and the feeling of food, the bonding that comes from sharing food with others, and the sense of belonging that comes from “going with the flow”. Most people fail not because they don’t have the right diet plan, not because they don’t have access to the right food, and not because they don’t know or understand exactly what they need to do. All the physiological elements are in place, and they work. Most people fail because they don’t consider the psychological aspect of the diet.
Food, particularly sugar and refined carbohydrates, is addictive. The cravings can be emotionally crippling. Hunger is a feeling completely foreign to westerners and we can’t handle it; it breaks us as brutally as being physically beaten.
There’s also the profound sense of alienation that comes from doing something “different”. Once food and shelter are taken care of, our number one need as human beings is to feel like we belong. When a person starts a diet they isolate themselves form the norm. And the single most social thing we do, as a species, is share food and drink. Many people will abandon a diet because it feels like they’re excluded, and for a heavy person already feeling badly about their self-image and their sense of belonging, that’s just too high a price to pay. They’d rather be obese than alone.

I’m not trying to be all haughty and holier-than-thou, let me be the first to admit I’m an emotional eater. I get a profound sense of happiness from sweets. It’s such a satisfying feeling it is (honestly and without exaggeration) practically sexual. But now I can control the psychological aspects of eating, and for long periods I can treat food purely as fuel. I feel like if any single thing allows me call myself an upper-tier gym warrior it’s that.

Lesson #7: Re-feed Days Are Great And TerribleRe-feed days are a mixed blessing. For the most part, the key is learning to stop eating when you get “satisfied”, but that is very hard to do when you’re in the throes of indulging your carb addiction. It’s like telling an alcoholic to have just 1 beer.
I found myself eating things I didn’t even want because the day was almost over, and if I didn’t eat the ice cream, or the chocolate bar, or the donuts now, I’d miss my chance for another two weeks! How stupid is that?
So be careful with re-feeds. Because they can be very helpful during something like the GSD. However, when emotions kick in, they can become difficult to control. Again, all eating is emotional!

Read the rest here

2009-06-17T14:22:00.000+10:00

I just wrote a pretty negative post (below).

Then I read Shelley's blog who said we should use the word 'awesome' today. So Im choosing to flip my thoughts into positive and list some of the reasons why (perhaps deep down) I am feeling awesome!

I studied hard and earned a good job at a young age

I am good at my job

my job allows me to start, finish, eat, pee (hehe) whenever and however often i want or need to

I am grateful for my job and nice home

I inspire people at work with my dedication to eating well and training

I am the leanest and in the best condition I have EVER been in (and its only going to get better)

I am doing everything my coach is asking of me

The fat will come off and I will not be too skinny to compete

My treadmill would miss me if I didn't visit it every morning :P

Thanks Shelley!

Ps i think the dates of my posts are coming up one day late.. meh

body fighting back

2009-06-17T14:06:00.000+10:00

My last fat pinching test yielded a disappointing result unfortunately...

My plan had been cranked up a notch to get to 12 week out goal however after two weeks my weight had not changed and I only dropped 1mm.

I can only put it down to stress (work and personal). Tried to convince jon I am not stressing about the plan, as I keep saying I have faith in doing as Im told! So trying to keep chin up and just keep going. I know there is 'plenty of time' yet, I just would hate for things to get real difficult for me (no more free meals, more cardio earlier than expected etc) not because I messed up but due to stress.

The whole point of leaning down prior to prep beginning was to be able to hit these body fat goals with minimal effort, maximising metabolism and maintaining muscle.

Im working from home today, just being able to do that meant I had an hour extra sleep and two and half hours less commute time! I know how important managing stress is in this process and for overall health (its also majorly affecting my digestion) but de-stressing is not as simple as switching it off is it? My realistic stress busting ideas so far include using affirmations etc to put myself in a positive frame of mind, being efficient at work and not taking on more than what should reasonably be expected of me, stretching more...

Breathe....

Round Two

2009-06-07T19:05:00.000+10:00

Ran through our compulsory poses with Jo today and partly due to knowing what to expect, i have to say that I enjoyed this second session a lot more. I even managed to smile in a couple of her photos! :)

14 weeks out from the WFF today. Im actually re-thinking this comp because I was under the false impression that this was a natural federation but no, its untested and its more of a natural 'alternative' to the NABBA, ie by putting weight restrictions on the height classes. According to my height, I wouldn't be allowed to come in any heavier than 56kg to compete in WFF.. umm Im already under that (first thing in the morning!).. haha. Perhaps I will do the INBA instead, the week before the ANB State titles. Great thing about the INBA Novice class is that its purely for first timers like me. We can all stand there trying not to shake together!

Getting a lot more comfortable in my shoes which is great but really struggling to find adequate time to practice posing, that's another reason why its stressing me a little- time is flying!!!

Congratulations Lindy!

2009-06-05T19:31:00.000+10:00

Congratulations to the beautiful Lindy Olsen on her new role as editor of my favourite mag- Oxygen!

Got my copy in the mail today, can't wait to sit back relax and read it with a nice coffee. I've seen already that my coach Jon Davie and Liz Nelson are contributors to this issue so Im looking forward to hearing from familiar people in the industry and seeing a lot more familiar faces!

I love skwigg.com

2009-06-02T12:14:00.000+10:00

Have I ever mentioned that Skwigg's blog was the first I ever came across? I have been neglecting reading it lately in favour of more figure themed blogs but today's post titled, 'conditioned hyper-eating' is a beauty. It reviews a book that amongst other issues, examines how it is cuturally acceptable in places like US and here in Oz to eat whatever and whereever without it being questioned (any wonder why we so chubby!) like at our desks, in our cars etc instead of just the usual mealtimes.

My favourite thought provoker is "Why on earth do people need to EAT in a business meeting?"

I currently work for Govt in an office environment where some (less busy) people tend to get a little bored and overexcited at the thought of food and any excuse will do. Our team manager has actually formed a roster for our fortnightly team meetings designating whose responsibility it will be to provide morning tea. I kid you not. I bet everyone is really looking forward to my turn!

I am still very interested in the topic of what makes us overeat or binge eat and generally not be able to control ourselves when it comes to food but am happy to say that when I read articles (and comments to articles) such as this, it is more now out of interest than... a desperation frankly, to seek the solution!

Unforunately, it really is the case that you can't have your cake and eat it too. But the longer you persist with a lifestyle of eating clean unprocessed foods for the majority, the more the benefits far outweigh anything you are 'missing out' on.

15 weeks out

2009-06-01T21:07:00.000+10:00

15 weeks out yesterday from my first of two planned comps :)

I only just found out that the WFF doesn't actually have a novice class so I'd be competing in open along with the other girls... meh! I'm there for the experience.

ANB Asia Pacific 2009

2009-05-31T14:43:00.000+10:00

What a great show!

A big CONGRATULATIONS to Lindy for her excellent first time up on stage as co-compere; so great to know that future shows will be in your capable hands.

More CONGRATULATIONS to Deb who came third in her class- she said she was stoked and I couldn't be happier for her. Deb, I thought you looked fantastic and Im sure you kicked butt at WNBF today so Im looking forward to hearing about that. I hope you don't mind me using your pic for my post, but a back like that should be seen! :)

I know not all novices in ANB are first timers (rule is that you can stay in the novice class until you win a class!) but I was extremely impressed by the lineup there and actually managed to pick that winner!

Goooooood motivation for me, 15 weeks out today!

K.I.S.S!

2009-05-26T11:53:00.000+10:00

"The message to parents is simple: if you can’t figure out what food group a particular product fits into, chances are its more of an occasional treat than an everyday choice".

This was the last line of the Courier Mail's article "The big lunch crunch" reported on Monday 25 May 2009 in relation to the bizarre transmutation of normal healthy school lunches to sugar riddled convenient snack food boasting isolated health benefits such as being high in protein- how about some good ol chicken! These items are gloried candy!

If I ever raise children they are totally going to hate me for the first 12 or so years of their life... will thank me later though! (aahh that's why mothers say that).

Posing... hurts!

2009-05-24T19:26:00.000+10:00

Well, duh! Everyone warned me I'd be sore after my first posing session with Jo :-S See how Im not smiling? haha, I was trying not to move!!

Our first session was really informative as obviously there's so much a competitor can learn from such a professional with so much experience.

I left feeling a little daunted by just how much work is to be done but hey, Im up for it! No point training hard in the gym and getting your diet right if you can't pose on the day! The relaxed pose was particularly difficult for me.. how ironic.

The bad news for me is that it appears I have a curved spine (I didn't know!) which makes it difficult for me to keep my shoulders level and hips straight. Jo gave me some nice feedback as well, in that I have broad shoulders and a nice shape however, I also have rather wide hips :P As long as Im successful in getting the fat off that shouldn't be a problem. She asked me where I think I need to improve my physique and we both agreed that I should continue working on my shoulders and building thickness generally.

Muscle muscle muscle muscle!!

2009-05-19T12:35:00.000+10:00

Thanks to a very knowledgeable friend who inspired my blog post title :)

Ali and I attended the INBA Brisbane show on Sunday and I had a great time not only being able to see the show, see fellow bloggers Shelley, Katie and Selina (front line, first) compete but the chance to catch up with the figure gals, get some great advice, support and motivation!!

Of course, the novice class took my main interest as that will be me in a few short months :) There was a big lineup of 14 girls so they had to be judged in two stages and were really put through their paces. I like that about the INBA, the judges seem to really take their time in making their decisions rather than rush the classes through which Im sure is appreciated by competitors. Selina, (coached by the wise Liz) did a great job, coming in fourth. These four at least really impressed me in terms of muscle size, conditioning and presentation- very professional! But to be perfectly honest, I thought that some of the other girls were a little.. skinny.. hence the title of my post!

I know putting on quality muscle is a slow and painful process for us gals and Im willing to work at it, im in this lifestyle for good! :) So my goal is to preserve as much muscle as I can dieting down for this first show and then of course, better that next time. Simple as that!

Prep is going well so far. Ali and I saw our coach last week and had both dropped 4.5ml of bodyfat, putting me only 2ml away from the level that Jon would like to see me maintain in the offseason- my mind could go all sorts of places thinking about that challenge but if Jon thinks I can do it then thats all I need to know. Im really pleased with the work we've put in to repair my metabolism (after a couple of years of maltreatment by me with crazy diets).

Next thing we are looking forward to is our first posing session with Jo this saturday! Then we have a wedding to attend saturday night (saving my cheat meal to be able to enjoy the wedding cake!!!).

Well.. its time to eat again!

not as muscular as i thought

2009-05-13T14:18:00.000+10:00

Im sure its a pet peeve of all women trying to get some decent muscles going when other women moan about not wanting to train with heavy weights cos they are concerned about 'bulking up' etc?

Well they all need to be told- you're not as muscular as you think!! (oh and its not that easy to put on muscle either, did you think it would happen accidentally?)

Great article about this here. The gross pic above refers to the cross section of an average woman's thighs and the proporation of muscle to fat. Strip away that thick layer of fat and this woman would certainly not have bulky thighs!

Preparing for my first comp is certainly bringing this point home personally as well! I had a drop on the scales recently, each one is my new lowest weight ever as an adult so its exciting but scary. Especially now, in my own mind I have crossed that border into 'skinny' territory and I'm hoping, praying that I can rely on my three-ish years of weight training to have built at least a foundation so that im not reduced to bones! lol, enter the self doubt hey! Don't worry, I know this is all part of the process- too skinny one day, not lean enough the next etc.

Bottom line for me is Im stepping on stage in September (woohoo!) So what can I do today to ensure that Im in the best shape I can possibly be in?

Finding Balance

New blog

Hot and cold

Live in the present moment

Welcome winter

I'm not stressing

Some like it hot

Chocoholics anonymous

Sugar, free food and being happy

Interesting read

A balanced diet

Rituals

*Yawn*

Treat yourself

Week 12 wrap up and my 'inner fat person'

Week 12 (counting backward)

Redefine yourself - as you wish!

Q&A

Slow start

Square one

Public Property

Public Property

Detox?

Being grateful

10 things

23 days in

Day in the life of ...

All over the shop

Me too!

Happy New Year! Resolutions anyone?

Beautiful Blogger Awards

2009 a year in pictures :)

Healthy?

2 years well spent

Cellulite

Need...more...muscle!!!

How popular are you?

No sharing allowed

Are you going to finish that?

Working with food rather than against it

Intentional Chocolate

Too much of a good thing?

I'm on the seafood diet

Get out of my way!!!

time to slow down

So many questions but the same answers

Embracing the pale soft skin

Since comp!

Introducing Michelle

"Offseason" Goals

Show Day - Finals

Show Day- Prejudging

Leadup to the comp

WE DID IT!!!

Got my kini!!

Congrats to INBA competitors

1 week out

7 sleeps

Day in the (current) life

2 weeks out

My holy grail of weight loss

Happy face to struggle street and back again

YESSS!

3 weeks out

Spontaneous cheat meal

Photoshoot Sun 29 Aug 09

FOUR weeks out

Inspiration

Reality Check

5 wks out

Afraid to be fat (again)

A... (Muscular) Beauty Pagent

6 weeks out

First HIIT session.. phew!

24hr training

7 weeks out

Bleghhh or brilliant brekkie idea?

8 weeks out

Freedom from the scales

9 weeks oooh single digits!

Yawn

LAST cheat meal